Young Writers Society

Indeed, the destruction of the rules here is appropriate. Rules aren't necessarily made to be broken--rules allow us all to communicate in the same language and understand each other. But when it comes to adrenaline, ecstasy, euphoria, the pits of despair--well, the rules can go screw themselves cos there are more important things to tend to.

I think something along those lines is what you mean

and of course Miguel has what you need. an eternal line of cocaine. an untarnished length of snow that could keep one awake forever. the amount of work that could be undertaken under the influence of it all beggars belief. they should give this shit out in schools. they should give this shitoutinofficestheyshouldgivethisshitouttopoliticiYOU SHOULD KEEP THIS SHIT to yourself. and snort.

go on. you horrible, terrible man. it was God who hooked you up in the first place. if that's not a sign I don't know what is. he clearly wants you to have this. this powdered pain, dust of despair, he wants you to have it.

all of it.

go on. not one gram is saved for anyone else. he's made you his trash receptacle. for the greater good. you have all the coke and nobody else gets addicted. snort the shit. God wants you dead. you're saving lives through lines.

don't take it the wrong way though, it's a case of simplicity. you die and everyone is better off; not because you died, just because you're dead. understand?

b-b-but what about my career?

I just wanted to take a quick moment to say thanks to all of you, your feedback is much appreciated, and I'm glad there were some readers who really liked it! I'm glad I gave you something to think about

SmylinG's feedback about presenting the same rawness in a more conventional form has given me some ideas about exploring this concept further. Perhaps the same situation from the viewpoint of those mentioned, I'm unsure yet. But thanks again for all the help.

Huh. I read this through a few times, and I have to say that I really liked it. I love it when people do what they want to language. Grammar rules are meant to be broken, I think, as long as it's broken well. And I think you broke them well, and it really added to the message you were trying to get across.

I love how it read like a thought process, and I loved when the words ran together or stopped.

Not just that, but the idea was great. Brilliant! I loved it. Sure, it could be a bit more polished, a bit more clear, but I liked it a lot as is.

Hey,

I think it's brilliant. Ditching the capitals was a good idea; same with comma, periods and such. It slightly bothers me how people assume that to have a great story, you need to have everything in the perfect grammatically correct format. Where's the creativity in that? I mean if someone is writing something like:

dis is mah story. its bout gurls who like to shop. one day mandawent to the mal & eat a fries. den she bot sum shoos.

then I guess nitpicking spelling or grammar would be needed, otherwise, let the creativity flow. Amazing piece. (I especially liked the end). KIHOPEDIHELPEDBAI.

Grade: A

~Jas

Honestly, from the bottom of my heart: This piece is bloody brilliant! I am in love with it! When I was reading I was completely baffled, but in a good way. It's been a long time since I've read anything this artistic. How you made the mood with the writingstyle was amazing. The grammar mistakes are perfect. They're not even mistakes, they're just the frame of the story - and as the story is what it is, the frame fitted it like hand in glove. Either way it's obvious that you didn't forget, haha. You wrote Lucifer with a capital, so anyone would catch on there.

I love the whole contrast between him being in a dump and failing at life, and him following God. It made for an interesting twist.

Great job with the voice! You really managed to make a clear difference in him after he got stoned or whatever you get from cocaine. The smart description of the dealer, and how he described Lucifer (with the ",litterally," comment), I don't know why, but this gave me a feeling of him being a guy with a working brain - the kind of sharp-tounged, casually handsome kind of guy. And when he changed voice or personality or whatever later, it became a great read.

they should give this shitoutinofficestheyshouldgivethisshitouttopoliticiYOU SHOULD KEEP THIS SHIT to yourself. and snort.

and of course Miguel does have the thing for you.

stage of your worWAIT.

don't take it the wrong way though, it's a case of simplicity. you die and everyone is better off; not because you died, just because you're dead. understand?

blow your fucking brains ou-

Personally, I found myself agreeing with both Ty and Shear. I wasn't quite sure what to make of my view on it my first read through. I suppose a lot of that had to do with the style.

I see the angle you were going with the style here, but I also think that you might've been alright without it. I would have still picked up it's raw substance in the same way. You can't fix up great writing this way. I might have even soaked in a little more had you written it with the correct revisions.

But I can't lie that I liked it. I liked the ties you made with drugs and a higher power. And the part about Lucifer as an angel. So true. A fallen angel. xP You made a statement there alone with the link. It contributed to the uniqueness. Great work, but I can say that I think it could be better.

Yeah, sometimes I will write in a not-me style.

@tydecker777
Thank you very much, I'm glad it made you think. It is supposed to hold that rawness you talk about, and just "leaving the substance" was my aim

In terms of my view on the issue, I'm very glad that you couldn't glean mine from the text. I try really hard to leave interpretation down to the reader. In this instance however, I'm opposed to excessive/hard drug use but haven't got a massive issue if someone partakes in drug use of their own accord without harming anyone else (and yes, I have done drugs in the past, but it's not something I do regularly at all). The idea itself came when I was trying to avoid writing an essay at about two in the morning. The logical step when trying to find a way to get started working is, of course, to write a story about someone else trying to find a way to start working
/sarcasm

But I'm glad you liked it.

@PinkShearwater & @Bivrax
I do really appreciate all the feedback (I shall make changes to spelling instantly!), but I just wanted to draw attention to what I put at the top of my post before I get a reputation for being a terrible, moronic writer.

"Just so you know, this isn't my usual writing style. The lack of capitalisation and punctuation, along with the sentences extended with connectives to almost uncomfortable length are a stylistic choice based on the subject matter. Hope you like it though!"

The compounding of the sentences, abysmal grammar and lack of capitalisation is a deliberate choice to reflect the depravity, starkness and franticness of the drug addled mind in the story. It probably wasn't the best piece to post as my first on YWS I guess, but I hope this clears up the main issues a little!

Personally, it wasn't my favorite. It's not really my favorite topic. Plus, the grammar, or what ever you want to call it, is sorta, well, messy. PinkShearwater pointed out some big stuff (in my mind). But, if he didn't mention this, you didn't capitalize at the beginning of each sentence. That issue can lead to a bad reputation, if you will call it that.

Hey there! I'll be reviewing this for you today. ^^

so, in need of a spike you contact God.

shitoutinofficestheyshouldgivethisshitouttopoliticiYOU SHOULD KEEP THIS SHIT to yourself.

a walking stereotype with a greased back ponytail and a dustpan brush mustache and a half unbuttoned shirt and leather western boots and a look in his eye that shows you the quality of his produce, and while those eyes look you up and down you fear ever so slightly for your life. you pray both that he's not too far gone and that you can go further than him.

... I don't know what to say to this... I read it twice actually, trying to figure out my view, whether I want to be angry or... I don't even know what. It's fantastic, it's painful and raw and overpowering and so many things that I don't even know the words for to be honest. I love the writing style, no caps, run ons and all. It's absolutely brilliant and it makes me laugh to think of all the people that will read it and nag because the caps are non-existant. It makes people focus on WHAT you're saying instead of how you say it. Like a text message that can be misinterpreted and people getting pissed about it. It just leaves the substance.

I am slightly confused on your view point and I'd love to know how this came about. So much raw material doesn't just generate by itself... usually not at least. But it's really really good and for it I feel like being a stalker and following you =] So thanks.