sabradan

Welcome to the YWS! Now, before I begin, let me just say, I am trying really hard to not be too critical/mean, but I do not sugar coat my ciritiques, ...

I originally started reading this poem because of the title. I loved it, especially as a smoker. Parts of the poem sounded kind of hokey like the "she brings me ...

First, let me say you have my condolensces. NOW, onto the critique! First, I REALLY REALLY REALLY liked the imagery. I reminded me why I first started poetry. The repettion ...

This is EXCELLENT. Love the imagery and theme. The idea was GREAT and I must say, HILARIOUS. Somebody had to do it eventually, and since you did it, you get ...

Lexy: I am going to tell you right now: what I am about to say will sound mean. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I want you to ...

I love it. Just one thing, and its not really a writing-thing, but a characterization thing. I love how you made me a BAMF, but if you could add a ...

well, first of all, I echo Incan. Welcome to the YWS. I liked this, it reminds me a lot of some of my stuff (or at least, some of the ...

This is a good poem, for a beginner. Now, I really couldn't get at the meat of the poem--if there is any. It seems like all it is is a ...

Okay. First, this is a nice start, but as many people have said, not very memorable, and quite elementary. First, repetition. I am normally a fan of repetittion, but it ...

pandoraswritings-- This may be fine for an assignment. It is usually advisable, however, to refrain from being preachy in poetry you wish others to read and seriously respond to. In ...

I'm sorry, but due to the poor grammar and spelling, I couldn't even understand what you are trying to say, so Its hard to critique it on a more artistic ...

As far as Haikus go, its okay, syllable wise. But, in doing so, you've compromised all vividness, detail, meaning, etc. (GRR! THATS WHY I HATE HAIKUS!!! GRRR!!!) AHEM. Anyways, its ...

Thanks, Rivergirl. : ) And Dan ... I don't really know what you mean by sad. But, uhh. Thanks. Memories of some of my own failed relationships that happened similar ...

I liked the political incorrectness. But to me, it didn't seem so much of a balad, as a story told in poem form. Balads are usually long, and have a ...

She wanted to take her diary, change the plot around and sell it. So, while she was writing it, she didn't think, "Oh, I'm going to publish this diary." She ...