Published October 31, 2006
A calm sea of nothingness
Has possessed my body.
It's like touching butter,
So soft and smooth...
It glides through my bones
Giving me a completeness
Which has never reached anyone before
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,854 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I like it. I especially enjoy the lines
that was original, and a good, accesible metaphor. I also liked the idea of nothingness gliding through bones... nice image, and it connected the butter (gliding) back to the nothingness (it). I'm not so crazy about the last too lines - they seem to put a stopper on the great imagery. Still, a very nice piece of work.~ Sophie
Short, but absuloutly wonderful!
Underlined things:
"nothingness" and "has possessed my body" If its "nothing" how can it possess? how can nothing possess you??? (sorry for splitting hairs but it makes no sense.)
"It glides through my bones" I reckon it glides through my blood would be better. Bones are solid and blood is liquid... just makes the image easier to see...
hope this helps. Lexy x
I liked it, espescially the line 'It glides through my bones' If you work a bit harder you could achieve , I'm sure, great things. Keep writing
This is a good poem, for a beginner. Now, I really couldn't get at the meat of the poem--if there is any. It seems like all it is is a bunch of words that sound like they're TRYING to acheive a greater meaning/great enlightenment, but falling short. You have the ability, you just need to think more about what you actually want to say, and focus on it, and attain it. It seems very Nihilistic, as well, and its very airy-fairy and the lines tend to be all over the place, description-wise. If you work on those things, I'm sure you'll be able make this a very good poem, but as it stands its not very memorable. Sorry
Keep writing, and good luck!
Short and sweet. It has a good message in it. My advice though is not to capitalize the first letter of every line unless it is a new sentence. I like your signature too.