rosethorn

Long, gorgeous sentences. Had a nice sense of time passed. There are a few things I could point out as far as paragraphs go: I rounded the next corner, my ...

I did not read through all the critiques so forgive me if I repeat anything. This story flows quite nicely and you create a sense of "time passing", something I ...

I'm surprised to find myself the first one to comment on this piece here! I found this piece to be a lovely expression. The phrasing is great, the words chosen ...

Brief Intro: What I look for in poetry is simply this: Does it give off a message that is significant and does it make sense? That defines to me whether ...

You are right about it. I felt somewhat cheated when I turned 17. Even 18 isn't much better. Two days after my 18th birthday, I stepped forward to join the ...

This is something unique I've seen here! I really like this piece. Didn't strike me as poetry the first time I went through it. It feels like the opening to ...

You suggest that rhyme would help this poem, but how? What would a rhyming sceme offer? I think the free verse works well. If you were to purposefully change it ...

First, please rate your work for language. It would be rated "R" for the F-bomb. Otherwise, you might not win too many people's favor. Second, the title of Chapter 1 ...

Okay...the "Fuck You" part is a little lame. Not just a little, but it's really just an eye-roller. I don't know what's up with people lately and trying to put ...

I liked the repetition in the poem and I think you would completely change your work if you were to take it out. Prehaps the spaces between could be filled ...

I don't like it. Just jumbled words to me. I got no response out of it and, in my opinion, poetry is dependant on the response of the reader. It's ...

I love the sarcasm in this poem! The message is so clear and this is the same thing, I think, that lingers in the back of our minds but we ...

I think this poem focuses far too much on the rhyming and it takes away from the meaning. It sounds rather repetetive. I don't much like it at all. Try ...

Thick with emotion and description. There's nothing fake about it. Very real plot. On the technical side, the spacing makes it somewhat difficult to read, but I managed. This was ...

This piece flows beautifully! It has a definite meaning instead of tying a few rhyming words together. The lines intertwine gracefully, with no force. If it sounds weird at all, ...