Published November 17, 2006
Into the depths of deciet we venture,
Not considering the consequences,
The truth is what we desire, what we long for.
The lies polute the air in this place,
Each one telling its own dispicable story,
Trying to weave its way into your mouth.
But isn't it what we live for?
To lie, forgive then forget?
To blacken the truth and conceal the fault in you.
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You suggest that rhyme would help this poem, but how? What would a rhyming sceme offer?
I think the free verse works well. If you were to purposefully change it to rhyme, you'd be altering your message. You can't always find the right words to express what you're trying to say when you use a rhyming format because you only have so many options.
Strong words but I'm not feeling the message too much. I understand the message, of course. But there doesn't seem to be a conclusion. It almost seems as if it is unfinished.
I like your word choices however, i.e. venture, desire, conceal, etc.
As always,
POKE
This rings a bell of truth (no pun intended) and I have but one small tidbit. I think rhythm would greatly help this poem. I told you it was small. Okay, bye. I will definitely read your other stuff.