Cat green eyes
In a ghostly pale face
Circled with raven black hair
Penetrate the depths of
Her frozen soul
Cat green eyes
Penetrate all the souls
Through the iron bars
Of a cruel box called
Cage.
Cat green eyes
Are the door to her soul
A door to her thoughts
Her questions of why
And where
And who
Cat green eyes
Lose their eerie glow
A dull green
And the cage is carried
Away
Dumped into a pond
Cat green eyes
No longer see
But stare through that
Murky water in search
Of their murderer
Cat green eyes
Will never
Rest in Peace.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,731 Reviews
Oo Thank ya'll... I should have more poetry up soon...
Its a little repetative but I don't think it would have the same effect if it wasn't!I really like it!
ok, so the bit about cat green eyes has been mentioned before (i'm trying to avoid a pun, here, people), but other than that, i think that maybe you could add a little more?
I liked the repetition in the poem and I think you would completely change your work if you were to take it out. Prehaps the spaces between could be filled more or perhaps you could take out a stanza. But again, you can't do anything to make it better without changing your work.
Repetition for "Cat Green Eyes" is purposeful. What bothered me was the repeating of the word "soul" or "souls" in the first three stanzas. Maybe try to change that word around a bit. Other than that, I can hardly offer suggestion.
As always,
POKE
I seem to have a problemo with repetition, especially in some of my *much* older poems.
I agree with the repetition being a little too much. Also, you have a couple linebreaks that I would like to kick very hard...they just sound awkward--you have a thought but instead of finishing it in one line, you put one word on the next? It throws the rhythm off. It's also a little confusing in all...and doesn't really intrigue the reader. This is, I think, the third or fourth time I've read this trying to find something in it that makes me want to finish it. I would make the ideas a little clearer, work on the flow, and kill the repetition.
Happy Editing!
Meg
thanks, i know its not that best but that's because poetry's not my best section of writing.
This was a little too repetetive. I understand that the poem's structure was to begin each stanza "Cat green eyes," but it got a little tiresome.
This was kind of cool, but there's room for improvement...
The ending lines were powerful, I liked them.