perdido

the problem with poems this short is that they have to be so carefully constructed, every word has to be perfect--so I applaud your attempt at this daunting form. Of ...

Condense, condense, condense. I cannot stress that enough. It just doesn't seem to end, even when its over. It seems weird because I was just giving this advice to someone ...

there are some good lines in here, to be sure, but it looks like you got carried away. You need to condense this poem into about four or five stanzas. ...

you mean hollow and follow. not hallow and fallow. hallow means holy and fallow is an agricultural term. Like the fields are fallow. Its not a verb. I agree with ...

this seems more like performance piece than anything else, is that right? If you read this the right way it would be pretty powerful. On paper its pretty forgettable, though. ...

There is nothing in this poem that is not cliche. The only other devices you use is a simile (a crappy egg simile) and exaggeration (a million centuries) The whole ...

too many commas. seriously there's a comma after every line. stop it, you don't need to do that. It makes me feel manic when I read this. Take out ALL ...

When I saw the title of this, I was like, "Oh no... this poem is probably going to suck." but your first line surprised me. "Being sad is a waste ...

Poets and alcohol are familiar lovers, I'm afraid. Alcohol abuse, the way you've presented it here, is boring. You skim the surface, but you don't delve any deeper into that ...

pretty boring and cliche. You preface your poem by saying "sorry, not very good" You were right. My advice: Read some stuff. Think about sensory details, about specificity. And whoever ...

counting syllables does not a good poem make, but it helps if you are at least aware. the only rhyme that seemed really forced to me was the sink one, ...

why post something if you know its not your best? i don't believe for a second your grammar mistakes were because you were half asleep its because you rushed through ...

if I heard this read in a workshop I would probably roll my eyes a lot. here's why "cheating hearts spawn only pain" just in case we don't get that ...

I am trying to read this aloud to myself and I feel as though I am retarded, I think there's a bit of block-of-text syndrome, like there needs just a ...

^i object that you say this has too much of a story... this is the narrative poetry section. also I think its ridiculous... these three poetry sections should just be ...