I have found a glimpse of life
Through the content of the bottle,
It’s cool smooth liquid that
Evokes a burning sensation.
My thoughts had been obsessive
Refusing to let my mind rest,
Dwelling constant on the mystery
Of death and all it holds.
My method to silence my thoughts,
Has turned into my addiction.
And now my body is obsessed with
The burn in my throat and my heart,
Which I almost feel celebrating,
The glorious reunion for it,
Has been waiting now for too long,
So long that hours became days.
Yet now I find myself bound
In a conscious state of nothingness,
Where the world is no brighter,
And no more colourful than before.
I no longer seem to have control.
My instincts and my urges,
Devour me as I swallow the liquid.
But now I find myself comfortably numb.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Poets and alcohol are familiar lovers, I'm afraid. Alcohol abuse, the way you've presented it here, is boring. You skim the surface, but you don't delve any deeper into that "rabbit hole". You use words like obsessive to describe addiction. I could have read that in an AA brochure. But..... you don't even say alcohol in the poem, so it might not even be alcohol you refer to. Also, it seems silly to say that your "liquid" evokes a burning sensation. That burning sensation is very real, it doesn't need to be evoked... its YOUR job as a poet to evoke that sensation, and you chose something easy. This is consistent throughout the whole piece and its just flat out boring.
Also
Comfortably numb?? Really?? I'm not saying your forbidden to use those two words together just because its a popular Pink Floyd song but... yeah actually that is what I'm saying. Don't do that.
You have to approach this problem in a way that will make people interested. How do you do that? I don't know, you're the poet. Specific details always are a plus. There's more to alcoholism usually than just physical addiction: WHY did you start drinking in the first place, in your poem it sounds like its because you wanted to lower your self awareness because something is bugging you. WHAT ABOUT THAT? That's interesting, but you never even give the reader a hint.
best,
#8040BF ">~This has to be one of the best poems I have ever read. It shows the pain and the comfort of addiction, which is something most people don't understand! I know many alcholics and drug addicts and this really shows both sides of it. Thanks so much for putting this poem out here, and keep up the good work!