onceuponatim3xo

Oh, Alainna beat me to it. She pretty much said everything I was thinking. All right, so, there was waaaay too much dialogue in that, try to describe things more; ...

Great job! Excellent descriptions! :D I was a bit confused at this part though; Those of the original Revolt who couldn’t adapt to living like a thief, murderer, or all ...

It was a good satire, but it seemed too wordy to be humorous for me. Yes, I know that it was supposed to be 1,000 words, but you said way ...

Good job. Just a few things: Cesarina, who stood there trying to let her mouth gape open in shock of how different things were. Did you mean "trying to keep ...

Yes, you did explain that it was a forest, but still - is it a tropical forest or evergreen forest. Is there mostly snow, dirt, or grass? Try your best ...

I'd have to agree with both of my imaginative voices. This was insanely good, and I do want to read more. And this was incredibly telly. I'd have to agree ...

Good job, it was very descriptive. Just a few things though: A powerfully built woman strode into the warehouse, This opening line would be much stronger if you explain why ...

Good job! :D The only thing that bothered me was the first paragraph, there were way too many outright statements and it didn't flow as well as it should. You ...

I don't know why, but I just really don't like Jacob. I'm glad that they didn't end up together, he just caused way too many problems. He was really annoying ...

I like Stephenie Meyer alot, but you gotta admit, that was pretty funny. My thoughts exactly. Although, as many people have already said, the gun thing got old. It would've ...

This was good, I liked it, but it seems like you never said that the main character was a boy - I actually thought that it was a girl. (It ...

OMG! :lol: :lol: :smt082 :smt081 That was hilarious!!! I loved it, it was sooo funny! Rofl! This is brilliant. Sick and twisted, but brilliant! I haven't had that good of ...

Darn, Rubric beat me to it! All right, that just leaves me to compliment you since he pointed everything out already. This. was. Excellent! Much, much better than the last ...

Wow!! :shock: This was REALLY good!!! I loved it! Although, I think that you should put an adjective in front of when you say "The wall" (so that you explain ...

Umm.... Sorry, but seeing that huge block of writing scared me away, do you think that you could put spaces in between each paragraph, you just press enter twice. Like ...