okkervilpuddle

personally, i think the first part was much better. this one seems like you didn't spend very much time on it. there isn't any real detail, just explanation. and it ...

you set the scene really well. i mean i could really feel this western heat. it's great. i am surprised no one has said anything about this yet. i'm not ...

this was a cool idea. at the very beginning i thought i wouldn't like it because i was pretty sure it was going to be one of those big, confused, ...

This was pretty cool. i like the ambiguity at the end. however, i think this would be a much better piece if the writing seemed a little less cliche. i ...

i'm kind of torn on this piece because it combines a kind of brilliant and imaginative plot device with rushed, mediocre writing. i wish you'd spend more time tweaking your ...

i found this story interesting because in general i agree with you. (i suppose, since this is technically "other fiction" that i agree with the narrator, but i am guessing ...

i thought that this was pretty well written, simple and quick and absorbing. my only problem with it was that it was pretty predictable. i knew straight from the beginning ...

i liked this in itself, it was a really cute, kind of moving, piece about a guy and his girlfriend. i think the scene was set perfectly and that all ...

"Whispering in a language I never really had a chance to learn" is one of my favorite lines. Don't change it please. Besides, it is getting across a slightly different ...

the idea sounds like it could be fine, but they way you wrote it was rushed. it seemed like the outline of a story, not an actual story. you need ...

i am really glad that you are pushing the envelope in writing styles... but i think sometimes it helps to hold back a little. this is too densely strange and ...

i like this but i wish it went somewhere more. i have a question. maybe i'm stupid. but: are they leaving the wall forever? or just for the afternoon? if ...

this was cool. i liked how you let the reader figure out what was going on. my one problem: the magnitude of how much you love him is clear in ...

i really liked how you transitioned into memory without saying blatantly "i remember how..". the first paragraph was very beautiful. i think it got a little confused near the end, ...

Problem is, it is emo. try lifting it out of some of the heaviness. lift it out of the angst, and make it truly sad. ..that's what i think. i ...