okkervilpuddle

Hello! I want to talk about the last paragraph because it was my favorite: No; I didn’t believe in those things. So what do I believe in? What is my ...

I like the poetic writing style too, and agree with Megan about the other things. I just want to put in my two cents about the word "anyways". I guess ...

Hi, I like the ending a lot. I wasn't expecting it and I thought it clever. And I think the idea could be pretty good. My only problem is that ...

You're obviously a good writer, but I think this is too wordy. You could get the same message across but with half the clutter. It's just distracting, and maybe lends ...

Wow. This is mad scary. That is, the first part is. I wasn't such a fan of the second part. Even though you didn't really give much away, I still ...

I liked this a lot. The last line was very good. I don't have anything else to say but I think you deserve to know that I thought this was ...

This was a cute piece, but to make it better I think you should put more detail into it (you can still keep the style you've chosen). As you have ...

This was kind of like you wrote this in two minutes. There's no style here, just a bunch of words thrown up onto the screen. It's a dream and so ...

I liked how this was written, you definitely have a distinct voice, that of the scientific minded and cold blooded assassin. In response to Loveless above me, I think that ...

Ok, I don't think it was written for a 6 or 7 year old. And your profile says your 18, so you're clearly old enough to be able to write ...

This is interesting. I don't have much to say since you didn't post very much and stylistically there wasn't much of a voice, but I honestly think it looks promising. ...

This story (or whatever you want to call it) is kind of cool, and its relative pointlessness is forgiven since its tone sounds very "fun!" and, idk, i enjoyed it. ...

This isn't a story. You wrote a few sentences, seemingly as they occurred to you, and they have no effect. If you want, you can explore these particular thoughts and ...

I liked this a lot. To me it comes off as a sort of social commentary and I think it's very well done. My only issue with the content is ...

this is unrealistic. no one likes their first cigarette. no one is hooked on their first cigarette. the most likely sensation associated with your first cigarette would be nausea, not ...