Young Writers Society

I have absolutely no objection to literary minimalism, but be warned, as you've probably copped from this lot already, it does take fairly masterful twists of phrase to be as evocative as denser prose, you will probably have to consider this as poetry in terms of attention to rhythm, sonics and imagery in maintaining interest and integrity.

"Wolves have little concept of "I."
So forgive us if we are forgetful."

I do get what you are trying to do here, in trying to distinguish the narrative voice and connect it to your reader. It's a start, it's no longer a scary blank page, and for that be grateful for these lines, but it is currently convoluted. Justify it for me. Suppose I were to say, why? Wolves know the difference between one wolf and another wolf, they do have a strong sense of hierarchy, and for that matter, the idea of 'the lone wolf', so I can understand slipping into a single mindset of collective pronouny goodness if it was the pack together on a hunt for example, but to say that they typically have no individual identity is idealized at best. But this is fantasy, and you can well say that wolves know one from another like your arm knows your leg, part of the same entity, but currently there is no sense of "we", it's all I, individual sensation and personal history. Describe the collective sensations of the pack.

Hi Stori here is the review

Wolves have little concept of "I."

So forgive us if we are forgetful.
Before this story deteriorates, let me introduce myself.
My name's Kora.

"An unusual pup, to be sure." Father's voice echoes loudly in
the small den.

"Ivan, please," Mother whispers, "I just got the pups to sleep."

Warm ad cozy beside her, I close my eyelids tighter.
I don't want them to know I'm awake. They'll tell me not
to listen to grown-up talk.

Father lowers his voice. "I think there is more than one pair
of ears listening."

Caught!

"Thank you, Ivan." Mother licks him- I can hear it- and then she licks me.
"Little one, your ears may be the sharpest here. Take care what
they listen to."

"Yes, Mother." Happy to be scolded so lightly, I add, "We will go
to sleep now."

I keep my promise.
**

Next day, the pale sun warms my coat. My brothers and sisters
stir and whimper: We're hungry!

So forgive us if we are forgetful.
Before this story deteriorates, let me introduce myself.
My name's Kora.

Warm ad cozy beside her, I close my eyelids tighter.

Father lowers his voice. "I think there is more than one pair
of ears listening."

"Little one, your ears may be the sharpest here. Take care what
they listen to."

Ok, I don't think it was written for a 6 or 7 year old. And your profile says your 18, so you're clearly old enough to be able to write for a different age group than that. I thought this story was interesting in its detached simplicity, but that's also why it needs to get straight to the point. quickly. A story like this gets repetitive without some sort of driving plot, and i don't think it's something you can carry on for very long. So all in all I thought it was well written, and i think it has the ability to send some really powerful message-- but you need to give us a hook. Ok, those are my thoughts !!!!

#BF0000 ">Valentine

Hello Stori. I am here to review your piece. PM me if you have any questions. I hope this helps.

Wolves have little concept of "I."

So forgive us if we are forgetful- there I go!#0000BF ">(little concept of I, then why say I)
Before this story deteriorates, let me introduce myself.
My name's Kora.

"An unusual pup, to be sure." #0000BF ">(should be a comma, before the end quote)Father's voice echoes loudly in
the small den.

"Ivan, please," Mother whispers, "I just got the pups to sleep."

Warm ad #0000BF ">(and, not ad) cozy beside her, I close my eyelids tighter.
I don't want them to know I'm awake;#0000BF ">(misuse of semi colon. Should be a period) they'll tell me not
to listen to grown-up talk.

Father lowers his voice. "I think there is more than one pair
of ears listening."

Caught!

"Thank you, Ivan." Mother licks him- I can hear it- and then she licks me.
"Little one, your ears may be the sharpest here. Take care what
they listen to."

"Yes, Mother." Happy to be scolded so lightly, I add, "We will go (#0000BF ">does he say we, because they have a little concept of I?)
to sleep now."

I keep my promise.
**

Next day, the pale sun warms my coat.#0000BF ">(not a complete sentence) My brothers and sisters
stir and whimper: We're hungry!

Sleepily, Mother turns on her side. We each vie for a spot.
I let the others bark and yelp while I start sucking.

"Clever child."#0000BF ">(same thing as before) Mother says it so softly that I don't know
if she's addressing me.