ohhewwo

This is a nice piece. I think you should rephrase the last line in the fourth stanza. It just dosen't sound very poetic. Also, in the first stanza, you sort ...

This is a pretty interesting and creative story. If you revised it, and added on to it, then it would be better. There are some adjectives that need to be ...

It wasn't bad, but it could have been a whole lot better. You should focus on one character, instead of switching between points of view. Also when she killed him, ...

Just as good as good as the last one! I still don't know when and where this is set, though. The part where Susannah and her parents were talkin' about ...

Interesting. It did seem "dreamish." I didn't like the rhyme scheme. And by the way, niteowl will ussually be the first to tell you that those suck, but hey, I ...

Hey, you spelled "grammar" incorrectly there in your last post, Magus. / :P

Interesting... It sort of has that vague prophetic feel to it, if you know what I mean. Not that that's a bad thing. It's also got some rather sybolic lines ...

I liked it. I can relate to it. For me, it would be more like "Richest Country City," but the people in the country are as nice as you put ...

It's a good piece, but I don't know how to help you with your ending. The only thing that I can suggest is to take out the last two lines. ...

It sort of confused me ... but, then again, maybe I was destracted, or something. Is the character who's speaking the person that Jeremy and the character's parents parents are ...

Pretty interesting. What happened to Kila, the mother, after the baby was born? Did she disappear from the magic or something, or did she just die? In the eighth paragraph, ...

Not bad. There are a few places where a comma could be used. And at some point in the chapter, you said "matter-of-fact", instead of "matter-of-fact ly ." There were ...

It's an interesting story. Very creative and original, although I don't know what emma is talking about with the plot. The actual writing was rather . . . plain, though. ...

Pretty cool. I think you need to put in an adjective describing the angel, just for rythmic purposes, in the next to last line. You need some sort of filler ...

I like it. Is that it, or will it continue? You portrayed the main character very well. She was very well developed. Dose Lee play guitar? Is that why his ...