Young Writers Society

ohhewwo wrote:Pretty cool.

I think you need to put in an adjective describing the angel, just for rythmic purposes, in the next to last line. You need some sort of filler right there. That's really all that I can see right now that should be changed. I think that it could be revised and rewritten, to be made better. It's definately got potential.

yeah i have to aggree... maybe damned angel falls to hell or whatever. Short simple easy to picture too... nice

Cool idea. That's pretty much all it is. The last line is nice. ohhewwo's right: you need an adjective in front of the angel, otherwise the flow is broken. It needs developing, but it's not bad.

Pretty cool.

I think you need to put in an adjective describing the angel, just for rythmic purposes, in the next to last line. You need some sort of filler right there. That's really all that I can see right now that should be changed. I think that it could be revised and rewritten, to be made better. It's definately got potential.