napalmerski

Yo! You seem to be a very pro-semicolon writer. They stand at the gate, to attention; their great, round, stone bellies /the semicolons appear to work here, but still I'm ...

Yo, an interesting story, and of course, an utterly plausible ending. I hear Chuck Norris pushes the ground away, not himself, when he does pushups... Anyway, on the literary front: ...

Yo, I don't do grammar review, only structural. Here we go:) A silhouette of a man, tall with his black coat covering his whole body, the glitter of a knife ...

Yo, I still haven't read the book, so I have no idea whether the plot is good or bad, well executed or not. But as an aspiring author to an ...

Yo! Nice beginning. Very classical concept - an out of repair arcade transporting kids back into the...ahem...far past 8) ... as it is for some. The style and sentence structure ...

Yo, my um... three cents I pull the plug out of the socket and went back to bed .- tenses. Changing tenses from paragraph to paragraph is acceptable if you ...

Yo, Just to add a few things about keeping the rhythm and about wording. Not an attempt to tell you how to write, naturally, but I'll use the very begining ...

Yo, nice story beginning, nice prologue. Althought the prologue should be about twice as big. Prologues and choice of words is entirely up to you as he author and no ...

Hey, that was great. Nice accent, nice way of wording things as seen and comprehended by a littl girl in a poor family in some sort of kingdom. Is it ...

Yo, you should really write about three-four times that much before awaiting meaningful feedback:) Story invention and presentation is to an extent about grammar and punctuation, but is mainly about ...

Yo, nice poetic story. Kinda like an adolescent Bradbury. How, then, would it be for the child of this household? She walked on eggshells, sharply aware of the fragility of ...

Wow this is a serious piece of work, I only had the time to make it to chapter three :D Your thoughts seem to flow without interruption, many established and ...

Hehe,nice humor in the story. Charged with adolescent eroticism, the text, nothing wrong with that, very cute in fact. Also a nice attempt at a writing style, I'll just mention ...

Yo, good to see that the idea didn't evaporate but continues growing! Here is my contribution for hopefully making it better: 1. emotion - the jump from playful banter to ...

Hehehehe, the cut-throat underworld of the legal art market, hehehe A very amusing concept, bravo! Executed in somewhat naive fashion, but still, a nice little story. The main character and ...