Losing the Talent to Write

No one ever loses the talent to write, they are just blocked from ideas. I like this poem for the most part, but some lines did not flow as well as they should have. Just take another look at it and rearrange some of the wording. It was good overall.

The style was nice. I loved how you went from complex thoughts into very simple, single word lines. Nicely done.

I have an issue with the choppiness (sorry if someone has already said this). In order to make the end more powerful, the rest of the piece needs to flow just a little bit more. Consider revising some of the punctuation, especially the commas at the end of lines. The line already suggests a break/pause.

I didn't like the stanza

And I can feel its mark,
Emptiness it left.
I need to fill the spot
Where I sense its death.

And I can feel its mark doesn't fit the piece and the last Where I sense its death is a bit overdramatic for my liking.

EDIT: as a poster said above, you used the wrong seize (or at least I think you did).

Don't stop writing, never lose hope.

I'm not going to nitpick, I'm not saying there is nothing to nitpick,
I'm afraid there is quite a bit , but all the same I won't, mostly cause
I think it's all been said but also because I really loved your poem so
I'm going to pretend not to notice the mistakes! It was very clever,
beautiful words, awesome idea and I really like it!
Keep writing,

xoxo
T

oh by the way, when you said:

Sieze

Hey. I just joined today so you don't need to listen to me at all, but I think as writers we are rarely satisfied with our work. I feel like this all the time. Almost as if the one think that makes you special is fleeting and half the time you're not yourself. I like this a lot.

Brilliant... a great example of how a poem can interact, not just be a set piece of writing. It also allowed a good understanding of the voice you where putting forward, despite the frame of being a very intently uninformative poem. A wonderful poem, and a great inspiration to anyone one who reads it. carry on with this style, you seem to have a thing for it.

Another person chiming in to say this poem was great. I think we've all been there at some point (I know I have multiple times) and you really captured the feelings beautifully. :D

Clara pointed out everything I wanted to say, so I'll just second everything she mentioned. Especially the "seized" bit.

Yo,
Just to add a few things about keeping the rhythm and about wording. Not an attempt to tell you how to write, naturally, but I'll use the very begining as an example how in the future perhaps, the rhytm can be steamlined a bit better.

I feel a part of me is dying
Yet nothing's being born anew.
/for rhythm I believe a full 'is' is needed here/
I just want the gift back I once had,
/here, since you say you once had it, the 'back' is not really necessary. It can be:
- I just want the gift I once had
- I just covet the gift I used to have...
Which was given to me by you.
/here, this line is a bit woody, like from a song sang in pubs or footbal games. Keeping in mind that you position yourself in a passive receiving end anyway, it can be something like this.
-Which I had received from you.

And thus we would have:
I feel a part of me is dying
Yet nothing is being born anew.
I just want the gift I once had
Which I had received from you

Thanx for the nice poem and good luck

Blue = my suggestions

I feel a part of me is dying
Yet nothing's being born anew.
I just want the gift back I once had (finish here),
The one I got from you.

It fades away like the day tide
But it's not coming back up.
Why is this thing rubbing away?
I can't write well with blind luck.

It runs away like a child
Having nowhere to go.
I wish I could coax it back,
But how, I don't know.

And I can feel its mark,
The emptiness it left.
I need to fill the spot
Where I can feel its death.

I need to save you
Don't leave me please.
I cannot stay sane,
Cannot release.

Stay with me sense,
I love you.
I can't say goodbye
Don't bid me adieu.

You are mine,
I am yours,
A slave to you,
And your lores.

Dying
Please
Don't go,
Sieze.

I loved this poem! Probably every writer can relate to this. Its so true, and I wish it never stopped. I do think it ended a bit abruptly but other then that it was perfect! Keep writing because you are very gifted.

Hello,

Well-written and well-portrayed. Can't really nitpick since it's a thing most of us can relate to and you've let us take away the affect so there's no question that your poem's a success. I'd probably just revise punctuation because I think the odd bit read a little choppy, easily fixed if you replace a couple of periods/full-stops with semi-colons. The fluency is top-notch otherwise.

Keep it up,
Ben

The idea of it slowly getting simpler and simpler is a pretty interesting one, I do like the poem and I do not think there's something I could point out. So simply, a gold star from me =) Or so it was in the old times.

Maybe it's something in the air. I've been having trouble too! Writing something different helps. The other day I realised I've been continuously attempting to write a novel for at least seven years. A little burn out?

Thanks guys, it's just been so hard to write lately, I don't know why.

fiction903 wrote:

And I can feel its mark

And I can feel it's mark

Fiction

Sometimes we all feel this way. I am no poet, but that was pretty doggone good!
Keep up the good work!

.

i feel like this person, i too am losing the talent to write. people like what i wrote when i was eleven better than what i right now anyway, i liked this peice.

I love this.. the way it dwindles off into one word sentences at the end is really cool.

I'm really no expert at poetry, but I thought I'd add a couple thoughts:

But how to I don't know.

Inspiration

Your writing talent seems to have resurrected in this piece! (see what i did there?) I can completely relate, as i feel that writing is so a part of me, verbs pump through my viens. One question, who is the 'you' you're talking about?

You are definitely not losing the talent to write.
I do have a couple of suggestions for you..

And I can feel its mark

Wow I really really enjoyed this piece! Especially how you started with complex stanzas and continued to end with one word phrases.
I'm not expert on poetry but I can truly say this is really good One of my favorites.

Good job and keep writing!