mtempleton

Give me more - I was quite into this and I want to see how you draw the bus driver's character. Honestly - this was really good for a first ...

Hey. I'm also new to scripts so not sure how helpful this will be, I have a question! Is this speech said out loud or is it a kind of ...

Yeah I think I'll stick with the hot baths. Very off the wall, dude. While you may not have converted me to cold baths, for all that you may not ...

Wow. I love this. Very funny in parts - desciption of polieman especially. When you say ""I got nothig, Barney," He growled" - no capital on he. And "she nearly ...

Very impressed! Considering its just a short story , your characters are very well drawn and there is so much of an atmosphere. I think this is going to stick ...

I agree it needs lines, but at the same time keep rebelling against the laws of grammar! And well done for resisting the temptation to make it rhyme. It has ...

This is interesting. A couple of basic things. Don't use so much ellipsis, it's kinda cheesy. Also, when Kingsley asks "any wises or ideas for the future," what is a ...

I like this. It has a really nice feel. I was unsure of the very opening at first "snow is flaking" but now it just sounds right. One thing I ...

Hi! What you have here is pretty good. i want to know what happens next. I have a few pointers though. You have a major grammar error early on, "the ...

I love it! as had been said, peepholes is just the perfect word. The one thing I would say is that the ling "healing aura of the glow" sounds a ...

This is really good. Its simple and poignant which I guess is what you were going for. The rhythm is nice and the rhyme doesn't sound forced or cheesy in ...

I'm liking this so far - lots of tension. I'm intrigued rather than confused so its a good opening. I think there are a couple of typos though. I'm pretty ...

Give me more! Loving this as an opening. You've drawn me in completely. A couple of things though. I loathe and detest rhetorical question. When you use "what had it ...

Again, i agree! This is one of those great stories that you can just write because you wanted to then sit back and watch as everyone else does the analysis. ...

Wow. This is my first review and i feel very lucky to have stumbled across your story, if a little disturbed. Seriously, though, the darkness and atmosphere you manage to ...