Yeah, I'm with Azila on this one.
I love short, brief poems like this and applaud the amount of emotion you managed to pack into a few lines. However, as Azila has said, your attempt to rhyme "fall" and "fail" doesn't work, unless your scheme is ABCB. Make your intentions clearer; if you're going with ABCB, choose a word other than "fall" and "fail".
Also as others have commented, the "but" seems somewhat unnecessary - get rid of it!
Your poem doesn't suffer from my usual nitpicks of "telling, not showing" which is excellent to see! Keep up the good work. 9/10
Points: 1564
Reviews: 181
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