Never Found Chapter One

(This is my newest story, Never Found. Please enjoy!)

Chapter One

When she opened her eyes, she had no idea where she was. She was weak, and her arms were shaking hard. When she tried to push herself up, her arms trembled and she fell back again. She lay there for a long time, waiting for the numbness to die down.

She woke again when she felt raindrops hit her face. She opened her eyes again and looked around, but the world was bleary, and everything was confusing. She was soaked to the bone in a couple of minutes. She opened her mouth and drank in the rain water. She couldn’t remember the last time she had drunken or eaten anything. She could barely remember her name.

What was it…. Arilia? Was that it? It sounded right. She said the name over and over again. But she still was numb, and it was still raining. Arilia fell asleep again. When she woke up, the rain had turned into just a drizzle. Arilia realized she could actually feel herself now. The numbness was gone. She twitched a finger and immediately let out a wail of pain. The numbness was gone, but new pain had erupted into her system, and again she lay still.

She waited again. Forever, it seemed like. She waited. Every once and a while the drizzle would stop and a warm sun would beat down on her. Then it would drizzle again. Sometimes the drizzle turns into a downpour and it was cold again. But it was a good cold. The cold felt good to her now. Arilia woke up for the thousandth time and slowly opened her eyes. Her eyes were clearer now. She twitched her fingers experimentally. Nothing happened. She felt normal. Shaky, but normal.

Arilia slowly pushed herself up, her arms trembling. She pulled her legs beneath her and looked around, her silver hair falling over her shoulder. Around her was a park. Well, it at least used to be a park. Dark green vines were strangling the play set. Flowers clung to the monkey bars. The swings were rusted and one of the chains had broken. The grass was soft and welcoming. There was a plain blue sky above her, with the wispy hint of a cloud.

Arilia had been lying near a river the whole time. It was small, but it was a river. Arilia dragged herself uncertainly over to the river and scooped some water out. She drank it slowly, relishing the cool water. She was too thirsty to care what was in it. When Arilia was finished, she looked around again. There was a long, wide field that stretched for at least two hundred feet until it reached another gated in park. The gated park was like a desert.

Arilia lay down on her side, regaining her strength and letting her vision come into focus. What had happened to her? She couldn’t remember anything. Arilia looked down at the slim, long, silver dress that she was wearing. Obviously not something you would wear every day. It was made of silk, too, which made her think even harder. Had she been at a party?

Arilia realized she probably had amnesia. She had barely been able to remember her name, let alone where she had been. Arilia stood up uncertainly, her legs wobbling under the sudden weight. Arilia fell against a pole on the swing set, which immediately let out a loud groan of protest. Arilia steadied herself again and then took one uneasy step forward. She stumbled forward a few feet and then fell on her face in the dirt. Arilia sat up again, spitting sand out of her mouth and brushing clumps of dirt off of her dress. The clumps fell off the dress as if it had never been dirtied.

Arilia sat there for a moment, letting her legs regain their strength. Then she saw them. It was only a little cub at first. But then they started to show up all over the place. Bigger ones. Ones that were all muscle and no fat. Their spotted coats blended in fine with the green scenery, but Arilia saw them. The biggest one, a broad shouldered male, came up to her and sniffed her experimentally. Arilia’s heart was pounding so fast she felt it would fly right out of her chest. Her breaths came short and fast. Panic consumed her almost immediately.

The leopard was staring at her with a kind of intelligence you wouldn’t see in a normal leopard’s eyes. The leopard let out a small cry and drew back slowly. Then he showed in Arilia’s eyes for the first time. He was definitely handsome. His skin was a golden color. His eyes were deep amber, like the big cats themselves. His body was muscled all over. They were subtle, yet pronounced. His hair was chin length dark brown that was ragged and hung in his face. And his face was covered in deep understanding of her pain.

Arilia shivered, feeling she knew this boy from somewhere. The boy stared at her for a long time, and then said something in a language she didn’t understand. It wasn’t any human language. The noises the boy made consisted of growls, snarls and yelps. Arilia thought she knew what he was saying. “What are you doing here? Who are you?” Arilia stared at him hard. “I don’t know.”

The boy seemed to understand and held out his hand to her. Arilia placed her slim hand in his broad one and he pulled her up. He said something to the leopards, and they all ran off. “Do you know your name?” The boy asked. “I think its Arilia, but I’m not sure.” Arilia answered slowly, leaning heavily against the boy. He was strong and didn’t falter though, and Arilia was light. “A guessed name is better than a given name.” The boy said. “Do you speak English?” Arilia asked. “No, but you understand me fine, don’t you?” He asked, grinning at her. His teeth were sharper than most humans’ were. “Yes, but it’s difficult sometimes.” She said. “It’s easier for me.” The boy said. “What’s your name?” Arilia asked. “Leo. It means lion.” He said.

Arilia realized he was leading her towards the gated in part of the park. He kicked a broken part of the fence in and it swung open with a loud creaking noise. Leo made a loud roar that no human could ever do. It was a lion’s roar. Arilia watched as lionesses and lions appeared in the sparse, cracked ground. They prowled towards them. Arilia shivered involuntarily. She had liked the jungle-like area better. The lions stopped in a semi circle around Leo and her.

“Can you stand on your own?” Leo asked softly. Arilia shifted her weight so she wasn’t leaning against Leo. Her legs trembled, but she could stand up. Leo took his hands away from her and stepped away from her a few feet. Arilia watched him, her whole body shaking. Leo smiled at her, and then turned to the lions and closed his eyes. His whole body shuddered violently all of the sudden. Golden fur rippled out over his body. His clothes were ripped apart as he got bigger. He fell onto all fours. A furry, brown mane surrounded his face. Leo became a lion.

Arilia’s eyes stretched wide and her legs began to tremble more. Leo was huge! Even when Arilia stood tall her head was just as high as his. His paws were as big as her head! Arilia collapsed, her knees buckling. She closed her eyes, trembling. The lions all let out growls and roars of approval. Leo pushed his nose against her back, shoving his mighty head against her. Arilia looked at him, her whole body shaking.

“It’s just me.” Leo said gently. His voice was exactly the same. Arilia stared at him for a long time. Then she placed her hand on his wide golden face, shivering. His fur was soft and warm. “What happened?” Arilia asked shakily. “I slid. It’s what we call the changing from human to cat, or cat to human.” Leo explained. Then he turned to the lions. A big male stepped out in front, his head high. This cat was even bigger than Leo. Arilia would have had to reach her hand up as far as it would go to touch the top of his head. Now that she looked around, all these lions were unnaturally big. Even the cubs weren’t that small. They were probably as big as a 6 month old bull mastiff puppy.

Leo lowered his head in respect and said to the big male, “Margol, this human female was found in the leopards’ territory. We have no idea how she got here. The leopards warned me of her three days ago. She only just woke up a couple minutes ago.” Leo said. Arilia sat there, her legs tucked under her, her face nervous and her heart fluttering. Margol, the big lion, put his massive head right in front of her face and stared hard at her. Arilia trembled. Margol breathed a big puff of air in her face and then backed up. His breath smelled like dead carcass.

Alia shuddered and pushed herself against Leo, who seemed the only one who wasn’t glaring at her like she was just another meal. Leo slowly brushed his paw across her leg, comforting her. “If she was on leopards’ territory, she should stay there.” Margol growled. Leo nodded his head. Then he changed back to human, clothes appearing on his automatically. He helped Arilia up and then led her back to the gates. Arilia leaned heavily against him again. “This will go faster if I slide and you ride on my back.” Leo said. Arilia nodded her head quietly, stepping away from him. Leo slid back into a lion. Again, Arilia fell. “Come on. Hop on.” Leo said, laying down on his belly.

Arilia uncertainly jumped onto his back, riding with both her legs on one side because of her dress. “Hold on tight.” Leo said, walking forward. Arilia fell against his neck and clutched his mane fearfully. “I’m going faster.” Leo warned her, breaking into a fast trot. Leo finally broke into a full out run. It was like flying. Arilia’s dress billowed out behind her, and her silver hair flew off of her neck. The breeze felt good. Streaking across the ground, Leo entered the leopards’ territory again. Arilia was relieved when the smell of the jungle came back to her. It felt like home for some reason.

Leo slowed down to a trot, and then a walk. Arilia saw a leopard in a tree. Its beady eyes glared at her. Arilia shuddered and clung tighter to Leo’s mane. “Where are we going?” She whispered to him. “To the leopards’ dens. They’ll take care of you until we can get you back to your home.” Leo answered grimly. Arilia saw more and more leopards. It got darker and darker. She clung to Leo’s mane as hard as ever now, her whole body shaking. Suddenly, there was a snarling and at least four leopards leapt in front of them. Leo halted. Arilia dragged herself further up along his body to get a better view. The leopards were unnaturally large too.

“Leo, what are you doing here?” One of the bigger leopards snarled. “Siro, we mean no harm. Margol will not take in the human female. We were hoping you would, in since she was found on your territory.” Leo said firmly. Siro stared at him angrily, and then hissed, “Find our brothers and ask them. They might take in such filth.” Leo snarled angrily, showing his fangs. The leopards scrambled back, hissing.

Leo trotted further into the jungle, the old playground long gone. The forest changed. It became so dark that Arilia couldn’t see anymore. She buried her face in Leo’s mane and closed her eyes tight. The rhythm of Leo’s running paws. The soft thump the huge things made on the ground. Arilia was lulled to sleep, her fingers still clutching onto Leo’s mane.

When she woke up, Leo had slowed to a walk. A low growl had started in his throat. “What’s wrong?” Arilia asked, sitting up again. “I don’t like being this far into the forest.” Leo growled. Arilia fell quiet and looked up in the trees. Two big, amber eyes stared down at her. Arilia tugged on Leo’s mane. “Leo? There were eyes in the trees.” Arilia said nervously. “The Night Leopards are watching us.” Leo growled. Arilia clung to him. They crept forward for another couple feet before Arilia heard a soft thud. She turned, just in time to see a black leopard leaping at her, snarling.

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
shadowed_mist
Comment

Thank you. I'll try and edit that out.... Gotta remember to do that....

(another thing to add to the to-do list)

Random avatar
Sparrow
Review
Sparrow wrote a review · Sun Dec 21, 2008 6:00 pm

I think it was good. I haven't read the other chapters yet but this one is great. I think you should edit out the part where Leo says, "Leo. It means lion." because i think everyone knows that Leo is the astrological sign for a lion. Plus i like the pun on his name. Other than that one little thing it had a great story line.

User avatar
shadowed_mist
Comment

Okay, Arilia falls asleep a lot because she's tired. The beginning of the story is meant to be confusing because she's confused. She can ride side-saddle on a lion because Leo's back is so broad. Further on in the story, it describes more about Arilia. The grammer mistakes are my fault because when I get excited I type too fast.

Is it good enough to post the next chapter?

User avatar
Chirantha
Review

I sorry I couldn't review this yesterday but I had some er......never mind. okay, about this story.

I strongly recommend for you to keep spaces and make paragraphs. And seperate the paragraphs with te dialogues. Okay, you had rushed through the story and had intoduced many characters too fast. And you hadn't described about your character except her long, silver hair and mentioned that she was wearing a dress. And another thing. You seem to jump from idea to idea. First your characte was in park and next lions were surrounding her. Please fix those.

Okay, nit-picks,

When she opened her eyes, she had no idea where she was.

This certainly isn't the way to start this story. It's more of a start of a paragraph. You should atleast write where she was, what she had been doing or even a description of her. When you begin with 'when', you sound like that we know about her and the story by then.

She was weak, and her arms were shaking hard.

No comma in the middle.

She woke again when she felt raindrops hit her face.

You didn't mention anything about her falling asleep.

She opened her mouth and drank in the rain water.

Okay, this doesn't sound realistic. I mean you can't drink rain water from the rain. Only rain drops.

She waited again. Forever, it seemed like. She waited.

This doesn't flaw well. Maybe change it, "She waited for what seemed like an eternity"

Every once and a while the drizzle would stop

"Every once in a while"

Sometimes the drizzle turns into a downpour

"tuned"

Arilia woke up for the thousandth time

Again no mentioning of her falling asleep.

There was a plain blue sky above her, with the wispy hint of a cloud.

Okay, how it can be raining a minute earlier and be a clear, blue sky now?

Arilia sat there for a moment, letting her legs regain their strength. Then she saw them.

See? You jump right into something else without forewarning us. You could have written, "Then she saw something strange"

Their spotted coats blended in fine with the green scenery, but Arilia saw them.

"but Arillia can see them"

Arilia’s heart was pounding so fast she felt it would fly right out of her chest. Her breaths came short and fast.

"Arillia's heart was pounding so fast that she felt as if it would burst right out of he chest."

The leopard was staring at her with a kind of intelligence you wouldn’t see in a normal leopard’s eyes. The leopard let out a small cry and drew back slowly.

Don't start both of these sentences with 'the leopard.' Put 'he' or 'it' for the sencond one. And there should be a 'that' in between "intelligence" and "you"

Then he showed in Arilia’s eyes for the first time.

This confused me. You mean, he was shown in his true identity.

“Do you know your name?” The boy asked.

How does the boy know that she doesn't remember her name?

“I slid. It’s what we call the changing from human to cat, or cat to human.” Leo explained.

Morph is a better word than slid. And an idea from Animorphs isn't it?

Then he changed back to human, clothes appearing on his automatically.

"a human" and appearing of clothes automatically is a bit dramatic.

Arilia uncertainly jumped onto his back, riding with both her legs on one side because of her dress.

Let me remind you that you can ride side-saddle only one horse and that's extreamy uncomfortable. So, it's impossible to ride side-saddle on a lion. You should put her riding normally, dress or no-dress.

We were hoping you would, [s]in[/s] since she was found on your territory.

The 'in' isn't necessary.

The forest changed.

"had changed"

The soft thump the huge things made on the ground.

What does this mean?

Arilia was lulled to sleep

Oh come on, how many times does she fall asleep?

Overall,

Okay, as I said earlier, you should have spacing or it makes it irritating for the reader. And you should describe more. I ended up picturing an anime girl with silver hair as your character. So, make it easier for the reader to read.:)

Good luck. :wink:

User avatar
mtempleton
Review

Hi! What you have here is pretty good. i want to know what happens next. I have a few pointers though.

You have a major grammar error early on, "the last time she had drunken." Past tense of drink is just drunk. That really annoyed me, but it's easily done.

You need to work on your sentence structure,. Especially at the beginning, you start everything with "she" which makes it sound like a list. Later on you do the same thing only start with "Arilla" (i love the name by the way). Also, all your paragraphs are the same length. Try adding more vivid description into some. The pace of your story is good despite this.

What description you have though is great. its all very sensual, if that makes sense. Your descriptions of the leopards especially are very real.

Keep persevering! :)



We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
— T.S. Eliot