miyaviloves

thankyou both for your feedback, i will fix the many many spelling mistakes lol, thanks for pointing them out, i am terrible! This is the first chapter of something that ...

Thanks for your feedback, well, this peice is follwed on from the first part of the story, and im planning to write more soon, hope you can review that aswell ...

Hey this is good, and Myth has put pretty much all the suggestions i can think of about it, one thing though: " to take out said " um is ...

Thankyou all for your comments. I was uncreative with the title, its just what it said for my word document so i was like ahhh use that for now lol. ...

I like this, and i agree with Cameron that maybe adapt it to make it a little longer? miyaviloves

I agree this is far too short to really haev anything to say about it :S When there is more let me know and i will be happy to review ...

I'm afraid that i have to agree with Claudette, it is good but not really the type of thing i enjoy to read. But keep writing you have some good ...

I liked it :D but yes why is clouds capitalised? miyaviloves

Sorry to say but i couldnt see a great deal of rhyming unless im completly not getting it at all. It was good though, just keep doing more and you ...

What make sthe places where i hide? Move the s! Apart from that this was very emotional, lol it hit a spot! Keep writing! miyaviloves

I actually really like this, its not the style of writing i usually read but yeah its really good, i got into it. Of course like all peices of writing ...

I agree that the description was good, please let me know when you have wrote some more!

Wow. This really is some powerful writing, although a bit dark i thought it was beautiful. I have never really read anything like this, it is original and has something ...

Lydia is like a main character in it, just i never got to finish part two im still working on it. Im having a lot of trouble with the Yvette ...

Im not posting this as an edit as there is a lot, please read :D ************************************************************* Yori made his way down the busy London Street. Even after years of living