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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I didn't really get it, but I thought it was quite beautiful. It flowed very well, and I loved the repitition of the first part.
I also like the repetition of the first lines in the last, and thought those repeated lines were the strongest of the poem. The middle bit, though, was full of... well, boring words! Death, blood, war, white winter snow, sorrow, things, summer... these aren't strange, interesting words that will catch a reader's eye, nor are they different from everyday talk, nor are they melodic and beautiful in themselves. They don't conjure up any specific image. It's fine to write poetry about abstract things, but you need to present the reader with a way to connect to it. That's where imagery and metaphor come in, and connections to a world people already know. You're leading someone from the world we all share in common to a world that's privately owned by you, in your own head, and you need some kind of bridge.
Keep writing, you'll get there!
I'm afraid that i have to agree with Claudette, it is good but not really the type of thing i enjoy to read.
But keep writing you have some good stuff here!
Miyaviloves
I liked the repetition of the first part.
otherwise, I didn't get it, couldn't relate, found no pattern, and just didn't like it XD To be honest! Of course. I mean, by no means was that bad, goodness no. But it floated on abstract, and abstract anything goes over me.