Young Writers Society

Hello, this was one of the first dozen poems that I read on this website, and I want you to know that I thoroughly enjoyed it then and even more so now.

Love how it's so bizarre and abstract, you can't have perfectly structured poetry all the time, that's when it just gets boring, we need more like these to kick it up a bit.

You see, when I read a piece like this and go and try and find more poetry written by you and my search ends up with null, I grow sad because I feel like I need more of this type of poetry, but it's so unique and I can't find it elsewhere... Why don't you write more, like this?

Not only did I take the time to read it, I'm going to come back and read it again in the future, multiple times.

Write more poetry!

- Fabien

I don't know. It's kind of strange. Stanzas 1 & 3 and stanzas 2 and 4 go together with style, but stanzas 1 & 2 and stanzas 3 & 4 go together. It's not bad... just bizarre. I think I would probably want to have two different poems; one about spring and one about winter. And I think the transition between winter and spring could be done a little bit better.

Anyway, hope that helps! I realize that's a little abstract, so if you have any questions, just PM me.

Thankyou all for your comments. I was uncreative with the title, its just what it said for my word document so i was like ahhh use that for now lol. About the punctuation, i will work on that asap.

I'm not sure why i wrote this sort of 'detached' its not how i would write it now, i guess it was just the mood i was in at the moment.

Thanks for taking your time to read it

I... think it was interesting but a lot of the lines didn't make sense.

It almost got to the point where I felt like you were just jumbling stuff together, i couldn't really get anything out of it.

One big suggestion, since you say your new to poetry, is to read a lot of poetry! My second, since you started out writing a poem like this, is always be aware of your reader. You want to make them feel something, you don't just want to tell them something.

Wow, this is something I have never heard before. It is a really good poem, it must have taken a while to write. There is no punctuation though. Try adding some, and I agree, a better title would be nice

this is surely a complicated poem with a strange flow.
the timing should have continued for all the stanzas or none at all.
the choice of words too is a bit too uncanny and i don't exactly like the way you've split the last words of some sentences into new lines. i think that interupts the flow.

two more vital things—you need to punctuate your work and you need to give your poem a suitable and interesting title.

i don't mean to sound rude or anything or discourage you, so keep writing.

I've never read a poem quite like that before, but I really liked it. I'm not quite sure what you meant by the numbers, though.