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Young Writers Society



City of Bridges: A Postcard from Saskatoon

by Cade


City of Bridges

She always expects
surprise, even here, in the
rows of corn and wheat.


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Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:51 pm
BFG wrote a review...



I like the last line, and the idea of expecting surprise. And I love the title. One thing you might want to think about though is incorporating more imagery - haikus are usually entirely imagery or metaphors (or the few I've read were, but I have a very limited knowledge). I think your first two lines could be made better with more imagery.

Good poem, different styles of poetry are so much fun! :D




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Tue Jan 09, 2007 11:53 pm
backgroundbob says...



...

it's a haiku - it can't really get any longer without destroying the point of the poem.

Look it up here if you need help understanding.




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Tue Jan 09, 2007 9:32 pm
miyaviloves says...



I like this, and i agree with Cameron that maybe adapt it to make it a little longer?

miyaviloves




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Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:46 pm
Cameron says...



This is beautiful, you should consider elaborating on this idea in a longer poem.

Cameron




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Tue Jan 09, 2007 2:18 pm
backgroundbob wrote a review...



I don't know if you've ever hung out on the old railway bridge across the river in Saskatoon, but let me tell you: it's one of the best places for inspiring writing I've ever been to, especially in the summer. Sitting out on the old support struts with nothing but a few rickity pieces of wood between you and the drop, looking down the river - for a guy who's used to the cramped and damp confines of England, the warm, dry, sunny atmosphere is like something straight out of a romance novel.

I like your poem. I don't make a rule of critiquing haiku, mainly because I think they're just flashes of life, and as such they fulfull their poetic intention just fine as they are. It's very beautiful: reminds me of the praries.

Peace out.





Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
— Quentin Crisp