mikedb1492

She's just looking out at the stars. Forgotten in her left hand, a light-stylus glows a forlorn green. I loved the second sentence, but I'm not a fan of the ...

Since you're new here, you probably wouldn't know this. First off, you need to review at least two other people's writings for everything you post your own work, so you ...

War raged across Heiligtum but the Dwarves, in their mountainous halls, Comma after "Heiligtum". In their homeland Khaz’ar-Tal the Dwarves lived in peace, their leader a strong and fair man ...

Kyle sat in the front seat next to his brother who was impatiently drumming on the dashboard, Comma after "brother". Also, I'd personally use "tapping" instead of "drumming" since drumming ...

Before we get started, I've got to tell you something. Since you're new here, you wouldn't know about this unless you went through the rules, so no harm no foul. ...

The grass looks so green it looks almost fake. And not chemically-engineered fake, but straight-out-of-a-painting fake. The idea you're trying to get across at this point of the story is ...

Blaine crouched, legs cramped, back bent, concealed in the undergrowth I think you should ditch the "legs cramped" part. For a second, I literally thought he had a leg cramp. ...

Obsidian Blue Striker and him had made their way through Krondel with haste Please tell me your not going to call the Krelt the Obsidian Blue Striker every time? When ...

Videthal sprinted between the many gray brick houses of Krondel, his blue cape whirling wildly behind him. I wouldn't use "whirling" here. It just doesn't remind me of a flapping ...

With the constant ticking in the background. The disturbing quiet that’s just so freaking loud. The pale walls and windows bolted down. When you use periods it always makes the ...

First off, I have to say that the whole portal to hell thing just seems a little overdone in my opinion. It's the main point of the doom video game ...

I waited for ten years and was trained vigorously. I'd rephrase this as " I'd waited for ten years and had been training vigorously." It works better and it also ...

I didn't read the other reviews, so I may say some stuff other people said. Sam could hear it gorging on the last unfortunate person dropped into the Pit Add ...

Just so you know, I didn't read any other reviews, so I may repeat some things others said. In the heavens, angels of all ages, conversed with each other about ...

I didn't read any of the reviews, so pardon any repeating. “Could you tell me story?” the little girl asked as she got into her grandmother’s lap. I'd get rid ...