Published January 26, 2009
Torn Pages EX
Introduction
How long must I live like this? Constantly being hunted down and witnessing others die right before my eyes. It's just too much to bear in my current condition. I want to wake up from this nightmare, but it doesn't work that way I'm afraid. Right now I don't feel so well. Seems like I've lost everything....even hope. I can't honestly say that I know what is going to happen to me, but I don't want to think about that right now. They see me as a threat, but I haven't done wrong. Maybe it's because I'm different. I thought I could live a normal life with the way I am now. I guess I was wrong. I mean, who would accept me in this state? I guess life after 2012 would turn out like this anyway. It's weird....on the day people thought would be the end of the world, they were in for a bigger surprise. One of the army's nukes exploded suddenly somewhere near Nebraska. It's also puzzling how no one knew how it got there or when it was built. For the last three years, I've been trying to solve this mystery, but so far I haven't been able to because I'm being pursued more than ever now. Another thing that got everyone in the United States involved with the explosion, is that the radiation covered nearly every state except for some parts of Maine, Florida, and of course Hawaii. It also took the Gulf of Mexico, some of the Pacific Ocean and part of the Great Lakes. Logic would say that everyone should have died, but there's always a small ray of hope for at least a few people. At this point, I can barely believe that there are any others like me out there. I can only speak for myself. If the world needs a hero then it can't be me. I was never good at being a hero....but, who says I can't start now? I can't hide forever, thinking it's my fault. If I don't want to live like this, then why don't I do something about it? Hell, I can do just about anything with the skills I've acquired over the years. And then there's....my condition....I can't let it get out of control again. I'll do my best to save what I can. I'll be keeping a journal to mark my progress on this travel. Tomorrow will be my first day on the job as a hero.
-Julian Gibson
March 27, 2015
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Canary word: Present
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140,560 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
Before we get started, I've got to tell you something. Since you're new here, you wouldn't know about this unless you went through the rules, so no harm no foul. But on this website you have to review two people's works before posting your own. A review to posting ratio of at least 2:1 should be maintained. Well, with that said and done, let's move onto the review.
The way you've been speaking/writing so far makes this character seem intelligent and a good speaker. I'm not sure why, but "nukes" just seems too much like something the half drunk guy in my science class would say. Maybe you could say something like "There was a nuclear explosion somewhere near Nebraska," or what have you.
I think you need "was" instead of "is".
Don't forget Alaska.
I really enjoyed this. It's very interesting, you developed the character well, and I'm deeply curious about how it will turn out. Other than the few bits I mentioned above, It was great! Keep up the good work.
"I want to wake up from this nightmare, but it doesn't work that way I'm afraid." in the very beginning should have a comma in between "way" and "I'm", i'm pretty sure. But yeah, this story definatly makes me want to read more.Its a great intro, and I hope you will continue it on. Ur developing the character pretty well and i'm interested in what his "problem" is. So yeah, keep it up.
This seems to be a good short story. I like the way the writer is pondering and then realizes the truth. It is kind of confusing as to what exactly is happening. Also what is chasing him? Does the character not have any friends or companions? Maybe a little more expansion would be nice.
Just another critic- J. B. Hendricks