lyrical_sunshine

Wow, this is an extremely powerful poem. I'll be honest, I was expecting it to be really cliche, but you proved me wrong! You do need to wrok on your ...

Nova flung the covers off and shot across the room grabbing her notebook. This is great! Now we actually have a chance of surviving in this forsaken… I think there ...

I'm so bad at critiquing poetry because with poetry there really are no rules. So I'm going to say that this poem was sort of...un-poetic lol. I love the idea, ...

hey, leave her alone, if she wants to like the Inheritance series, she can like the series. I like them, sort of, although there are bits that were annoying. Like ...

Jacob is, by far, the most credible character in the book (not that credibility is something you should look for in this particular series), and the most likable. I am ...

I think you jump into the action a little too fast. we don't know who Ruki is and we don't know who Raven is. We have no reason to care ...

^ i was going to say what Griffin said, but obviously he beat me to it. This is SO much better than your original. Somehow, without saying too much, you ...

SHOWING NOT TELLING! SHOWING NOT TELLING! SHOWING NOT TELLING!!!! INFINITY!!!! what twit said - don't just say "this happened, then this, then that". SHOW US. other than that, it was ...

they actually strengthened my faith, they didn't really challenge it. Oh, I certainly agree with you. This story doesn't challenge Christianity as much as it does Orthodox rules-->putting other philos

gah! there are so many young, talented writers here that i am beginning to feel very old and very pathetic. *is depressed* this was excellent. i can't critique you because ...

Nice. I pretty puch agree with everything Penguin said. some of the rhymes, especially in the second stanza, are a little awkward. The rhythm needs to flow a little more. ...

I really like the last two lines. but this one didn't make sense: "Claiming his sight and stand." what does that mean? how do you claim your stand? like his ...

It's got a great message. I don't think you should try so hard to would sound just as good if not better if the rhyming didn't feel forced. That's just ...

Watch your punctuation, you have a lot of run-ons. When you have a compound sentence (two subjects and two verbs in one sentence) use a semicolon or a conjunction to ...

I really, really liked this. The voice of the little boy is wonderful, although, like some people said, some of the words are a little too old for him. Your ...