lxtmidnight

Thank you for the feedback everyone! I'll work on the part with the one character and try to explain her a bit more. The revised one will be posted soon ...

I love this! It's hard (at least for me) to pack such a strong message in so few lines, but you did it extremely well. *hands gold star*

Thanks for the comment...I'm glad that you find the story unique, cause that's what I was aiming for. =D As for the rest of the preface, I'm not too thrilled ...

Thank you everyone for your reviews, and for catching those little mistakes in there that I probably never would have seen XD

Wow, this was good, and very, very creepy. The only thing I found that wasn't already said (at least, I think XD): The first time the man's name appears, it ...

I have nothing bad to say...this is great! I like th imagery, and I love that the Loser and the cafeteria kids are described as predator and prey, since kids ...

LOL thanks Aet Lindling Ashley Domenic Augustine, thanks for your help too, but this is only a small excerpt: there's much more to the story than this, so everything that ...

Thanks everyone for the advice! I did a little bit of editting using what you've told me, and I think it's better already XD

Thanks for the advice! I editted it a bit, adding in more thought from Kyrion, and it turned out a lot better! (I'm a pen-and-paper person, so I didn't type ...

i got confused as what she... or actually where, she actually was. was she standing above a cliff, or just standing in the river? it was kinda rough and jumpy... ...

wow...thanks for that! Glad you liked it so much, I'll definitely keep working at it now :D

Wow, thanks! There was a lot of valuable advice in there, especially the part whole "You were just a little girl" thing, which I will change IMMEDIATELY, because cliché and ...

Wow, thank you everyone! I was starting to give up on ever getting sugguestions XD I really, really appreciate all your help, and I will take everything into accounts. Thanks ...

Apologies for the bump but I just wanted to say that any comments are welcome. I will be satisfied even with a "This Sucks", if it really does. I'm not ...

*sniffs* This was a really great read. And very sad/ *sniffs again* Good job!!!