lulu_lizzrd

Every day they pick on me about my name, appearance, heritage, everything! I would change every thing to any thing, it shows that they find any reason to pick on ...

The Wizard of A'isha sat at his desk re reading the letter that had come days before. He had been waiting here in his dark cold castle for what seemed ...

Niyana shook pale hair out of her eyes and peered around the hard stone wall, calm despite her current situation. "Are you sure we can trust him?" she whispered. "I ...

this sentence is a little bit repetitive She hates it when her mother is mad at her, but since her fathers death she always seems to be mad at her. ...

firstly, you shouldent repeat the name so close to it's last use Sota was sitting on his bed studying and It was early in the morning and Sota was about ...

The double doors of the entrance were rusted; the glass on either half was shattered and secured by a steel chain and heavy padlock. you need to refrase this sentance ...

Yes, yes! Then we need to dispose of these rebel leaders.” try a different wrod instead of dipose it souds repetitory Evil and malice filled the hearts of the two ...

firstly remember to double space for sure caught my attention, and for unknown reasons. you might want to re-write that sentance it doen't sound good I even smiled. the sentance ...

“Shush, you’ll have quite an effort on you’re body. You’ll need to stay in bed for a day or two more.” you might want to re write this sentance its ...

A silver hair elf you should put silver hiared, because it isn't correct grmmer. This elf's name is MoonShine and this is where our story begins. you might want to ...

It sounds pretty good, but there was a few things I saw like here Unfortunately their conversation was interrupted by a mail voice from behind Nikki you do mean male ...

its pretty good, btu whenever a person or character etc. talkes you need to pu twhat they say on a new line, :arrow: forgetting what he was frightened him. that ...

it pretty good and i like the description, but a few of your sentences sound kind of strange to say like in this sentance it sounds like you should say ...

it pretty good, but when you say :arrow: "Yes, he was a member of the Elemental as well as Phil and I." it sounds a little wierd to say you ...

you need to remember to capitalize at the beggining of sentances and naems of towns and villages etc. you also haev a couple of places where you need to add ...