leebass

Hi, this is a good start. I think there's a good amount of description, not too much, not too little. Basically i just want to know more. Why does he ...

Ok, i have to agree with wickedwonder. It was a bit bogged down with description. Also I think at the beginning the bit about the different ways the MC tried ...

Hi, this is pretty good. I think the reviewer above me took care of the minor issues, so i won't bother with them. A word of advice: If you want ...

Hi, this is a nice idea, but i found it quite repetitive. Day 1- Mum came today. Day 2 - Gran came today. Day 3 - Mum didn't come today. ...

I like this a lot. Great idea. There was just one thing: How does the fridge know that there are cities built around the houses? I suppose when it's first ...

Wow, genuinely amazed at this. You are a genius! You should write a load of these for Math, RE, Biology, Physics etc, then go round schools singing them and teaching ...

Ok, so this sounds like you've written it in a different language and translated it into english with some kind of program. I think a lot has been lost in ...

Amberline had been right all along, though I hated to admit it, and to finally talk to Daniel like the woman I should be (,) took a great deal of ...

________________________________________________________________________________________ What's the saddest thing you've ever heard? Hearing that someone had just passed away? Hearing a sad love song

Wow, i really liked this. I love this line: 'Most of the chirps he had heard lately came from cellphones. He liked birds better.' I was supposed to be doing ...

Hey i really like this, i don't really have any critiques, just that i want to read more! I think the dialogue is good, but there's not much to critique, ...

Hi. I'm here as requested. I think everyone else before me has cleared up nitpicks etc. so all i can comment on is your ideas really. I love the mask ...

Hi, i like the atmosphere throughout this. The endings good too, it makes me want to read the rest of the story. Overall this is pretty good, you just have ...

Hi. I like the description in this. But that's all it is really, just a lot of description. It's not really a story, there's no conflict and no tension. I'm ...

Hi, this is a good start. There's not much to say because it's so short. Next time wait until you've written the whole story before posting it for a review. ...