laylaflame

hey, this is great:D it really rolls of.. (i would say tongue, but im not reading it aloud and i dont want you to think that) so yeah! it has ...

Hey there! This is really good! The sentences were short, easy to read, and gave the story more of a sense of immedency. I think you've captured the view of ...

Hi there:) This is a pretty good short openning, I really liked the first sentence. But the second I got lost in the discription, and sadly not in a good ...

hey there:P I love this story, the world and the concepts behind it. The only mistake I found in it was this bit; "He is wants something from you and ...

As I've said before; I love your writing. But this chapter does need to be edited. There are many missing fullstops and the punctuation needs to be improved, along with ...

I keep trying to guess what going to happen next but you always surprise me! :D You are so a better writer than I am. Once again; I LOVE YOUR ...

Oohhh this is cool! I love your story-telling style. I have so much trouble trying to convey things about the world my story takes place in and well, basically I ...

I also found this kind of funny:P It may have been talking about serious stuff, but it was written light-heartedly and had a personal feel about it that wasn't to ...

Hey there!:) I really like your idea here, reminds me of bits from The Hunger Games' Series. The writing is welldone, though there was a few little mistakes that everyone ...

I think you may have to give a bit more infomation.. I dont know what your trying to convey in this=\ Rhythm seems a little off too.. maybe try: (though ...

Hey there!:D I'll be honest, I'm not very good at reviewing in detail:) But I'll try my best.. Dry; Drier than my chapped lips Good use of repetition through out ...

Wow . I'm sorry but I dont feel qualified to critique that:) Only thing I can say is maybe put an extra line between paragraphs because it seems to 'clump'. ...

haha welldone:) I loved it, thought I did have to re-read the bit about bending over forward as I didnt know what you ment. Maybe changing the words there to ...

Hey! Im going to be honest, ok? I do like it and it was amusing to read. Loved the first sentence:P But.. it didn't flow as nicely as I know ...

well i think.. that some of these people dont have an imagination!:P i get it! as i just told you:) but if you can be bothered.. you should write more ...