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140,573 Literary Works • 673,519 Reviews
Hi,
Perfect and unique.
Farewell,
A.
well i think.. that some of these people dont have an imagination!:P i get it! as i just told you:)
but if you can be bothered.. you should write more to make the plot of the peom clearer?? actually i dont realy know what im saying cuz your distracting me:P i mean, that you could write more to make it more interesting (not that it already is) and to answer some questions for those silly people:)
overall i really like it, you communicate the expressions in your writing realy well.. but that could be becuae i know you well and understand your thinking.. anyway GOOD JOB GREMMY!
wuv wayliiee:)
By the way, I know you are worried that no-one got it, but I understood it perfectly. Stop worrying!
I loved this! Loved it! I would never have thought of this kind of idea for a poem, you have awesum creativity
I have to agree that the second paragraph is a little bit confusing, but it still has great language used. I hope you don't actually think this of yourself though; You really are very beautiful, so don't be so anxious about it, and don't assume that when people say these things it's just flattery, because it's true. Just so you know.
Great poem! Keep writing!
I LOVE it. Is it in one of your stories? It'd fit in PERFECTLY. Great job, Keep it up!
Hey there, GiggleGremlin! I'm Walker, here with a review so I hope you don't mind!
And might I start off with, interesting idea and very strong first stanza!
When I intially looked at this poem, I thought it was going to be pretty lacklustre as most people can't get their ideas out in such a short amount of space. You seemed to do that pretty well so I give you a thumbs up about that.
But, in all honesty, I was rather disappointed with the second stanza!
You give a very strong, very well flowing first that gets your message across. Than you kind of just ruin it with a second-to-none, three lines. I loved the last, but I just wish the first three were much stronger.
The first line, in all honesty, isn't really that bad, but doesn't really make sense seeing as you're talking about something that cannot move. Why should this thing be everywhere? Is it hypothetical? I'm not really getting it because I'm sure the whole 'on the wall' thing is already hypothetical as is. You might not want to contradict yourself on the images you create.
The second line was my least favourite. The whole 'stop and stare' thing reminds me of OneRepublic. That and the comma placed right in the middle creates a pause that completely ruins any chance of flow you had. I would take that pause out and maybe think of rewording this line completely.
And lastly, the 'I'll throw you to the ground in tears' is kind of boring. Give us better imagery!
So that was pretty much the meaning behind my madness. Hopefully it helped in some way!
~Walker
Liar, Liar on the wall,
Who’s the fairest of them all?
Flattering, praising words for me,
Yet behind your eyes, itapostrophe heres hate I see.
I think the first stanza is pretty close to perfect.
I can’t run, you’re everywhere,
Catch my eyes, to stop and stare. This is a strange line, it makes sense but messes with the 'flow'. No one would ever think or feel 'catch my eyes to stop and stare'. It's too... clumsy.
I’ll throw you to the ground in tears,
You’ve cursed my heart for seven yearsperiod here
Short, sweet, and clever. I actually like the length of this one, though it could be extended to clear up the plot.
-KatTrain