Published August 19, 2011
I'm writing a novel and it does have a romance theme, I was thinking of this as the very beginning? As a note that someone leaves the narrator. If you want a further explanation of the plot I can give that. Anyway, here it is.
A first kiss should be like a firework. Bright and lifting, yet a lingering feeling, the spray of colors that dance on the inside of your eyelids when the intensity becomes uncomfortable, and you close your eyes. A first kiss should be a glimmer of a fantasy, lasting long enough to touch, but barely escaping before you can grasp it. That's how it should be. And I didn't feel that with you, Alex, I didn't feel it...
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Hello, I think this is a really good start for an opening but I do think it is a little short.
First of all, inside of your eyelids? I don't know how that can work...or I may just be slow.The only part that I am not so sure about is the
And, the spray of colours (Sorry I'm English, that’s how I spell colour
Other than that I really liked this, the ending way good and although it was short it was well written. Well done, and keep it up. I will be looking out for the first chapter
Hi there:)
This is a pretty good short openning, I really liked the first sentence. But the second I got lost in the discription, and sadly not in a good way.
But i really liked the rest of it. though i do think you should change the punctuation a little in your last line-
I think though if you plan on making this the start of a long-ish story, I would add a bit more...
Overall though it the start of a great opening for a romance story:) Keep writing it
~Layla Flame