When no-one is around

by PurifyingFire
  • May 24, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

Sometimes, when no-one is around,
I dream of lying in a pool of blood --
not just any, mind you, no,
the hand that drew the blood would surely be my own.

I'd watch my parents, all in tears,
find the body, the blankets with red smears.
My mom would cry and gnarl like a dead tree --
for once, it would be about me.

At the wake, Lara, my best friend,
would wail about how bad she feels for stealing Brett.
And Brett (if you haven't guessed yet, he's my ex) --
He'd beg God to bring me back, and not just for the sex.

And at the funeral, where no eye would be dry,
They'd look quietly at the coffin, all thinking but one question: why?
Even Brett (who, from heartbreak, would turn gay),
would think of me - because that would be my day.

Sometimes, when no-one is around,
I dream of lying in a pool of my own blood.
Not because anything is wrong, or due to a poor providence,
but just because I really need an audience.

Comments & reviews · 6
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
harshita3chaarag
Comment
harshita3chaarag commented · Thu May 26, 2011 4:42 am

hi.. So Your poem was really nice.. It was funny and sorrowful at the same time which I really liked.. I liked the concept also.. All in All Nicely written
Harshita:)

User avatar
Spook
Comment
Spook commented · Thu May 26, 2011 3:55 am

I found this more amusing than serious. It was well written and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Keep it up :D

User avatar
pettybage
Comment
pettybage commented · Thu May 26, 2011 3:06 am

And when I'm feeling slightly gay
Away my angel wings, away!
The vampire glitter up my nose
Will help me settle in repose...

Haha, this was a very inspiring poem:)

User avatar
laylaflame
Review
laylaflame wrote a review · Wed May 25, 2011 8:26 am

I also found this kind of funny:P
It may have been talking about serious stuff, but it was written light-heartedly and had a personal feel about it that wasn't to do with emo feelings. (Thankgod!)
Really enjoyed it, so much I'm going to click that little star thingy! Welldone:D
-Layla Flame

User avatar
Jas
Review
Jas wrote a review · Wed May 25, 2011 3:11 am

PurifyingFire wrote:
Sometimes, when no-one is around,
I dream of lying in a pool of blood --
not just any, mind you, no,
the hand that drew the blood would surely be my own.

#FF0000 ">I love the way you described this thought of suicide.

I watch my parents, all in tears,
find the body, the blankets with red smears.
My mom would cry and gnarl like a dead tree --
for once, it would be about me.

#FF4000 ">Very good rhyme scheme and I love the imagery.

At the wake, Lara, my best friend,
would wail about how sorry she would be for stealing Brett.
And Brett (if you haven't guessed yet, he's my ex) --
He'd beg God to bring me back, and not just for the sex.

#FF4000 ">xD Is it wrong that this made me laugh?

And at the funeral, no eye would be dry,
They'd look quietly at the coffin, all thinking but one question: why?
Even Brett (who, from heartbreak, would turn gay),
would think of me - because it would be my day.

#FF4000 ">This is so darkly humorous, I love it.

Sometimes, when no-one is around,
I dream of lying in a pool of my own blood.
But not because anything is wrong, or due to a poor providence,
But because I really need an audience.


#FF4040 ">Very good ending and I really liked the repeition of the first two lines.

Overall, I don't have much to say on this. It was a very sarcastic, darkly humorous poem and I liked it very much. :D

I'm sorry that this review is so pathetic. I'm extrodinarily tired and my fingers hurt from the 7k-10k reviews I wrote earlier.

If you have any questions or want another review when I'm in a better mood, PM me. :D

Grade: A

~jas



Meet me in Montauk.
— Charlie Kaufman