ink_on_fire

Good poem. I disagree with some of the above about making it more emotional and less preachy. :) The way you have approached it is down-to-earth and material. I think ...

Nice :) I'm not too sure about this bit of the chorus I found a shoe box with all your writings tucked inside. I browsed through them till I broke ...

:) Love it! I like the twist at the end. The ' and put on my glasses ' bit really shows alot to me. Lovely rhythm. The 3 line stanzas ...

Hey :) I get the emotion. Really well. I actually feel sad a bit, maybe I can relate. But they never did. [s]It[/s] They just got worse Maybe keeping they ...

Hey :) Welcome to YWS. Hmm, I'm not sure this poem does need as much work as you think. There are a few things I could point out though. All ...

Not sure about the flow but it was good. Made me cold :) You know she'll never let you go. For years you sit, and watch her leave, Over your ...

Well, I'm not too sure about the split in the middle...I noticed it too much. I know you said you weren't using capital letters, but I have to admit- it ...

:) 9/10 Amazing story. Only a few spelling mistakes that I saw :) It's enough to let me see what I'm writing at least (I think you left out see ...

Awesome poem. Compelling, moving, sick...beautiful. I'm not too sure on the structure of your seems a bit all over the place. The last verse is powerful. I wasn't expecting it ...

Hmmm... Welcome to YWS :) Your peom is short. Haha. Maybe a bit of length and some descriptive words would give it life. This is a very basic poem skeleton ...

wow... Wierd lol. But i loved it. You can portray an awesome picture :) Love this work... :) V

Welcome to YWS :) First off, new members are asked to post 2 reviews before any of their own works. Secondly, I already know you will all love this poem, ...

I'm guessing the poem's about someone called 'you'.:) Unique :) You don’t just look at me, You see me. You don’t just see me, You read me. You don’t just ...

Hey Welcome to YWS :) Hmm, I'm not sure of the rhythm of this poem. It reads like poetry, but poetry needs a flowing, workable structure...whether that's a flowing rhythm ...

...breathtaking. I loved it. You have beautiful imagery, and it captures the reader's attention so well. Only one spelling mistake that I could see :) [s] He [/s] His father, ...