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indieeloise

indieeloise

  • Poetry » Realistic, Lyrical Re: Lethal Pain

    Hello! Just a few comments.. I will have to walk a milestone alone; This line really stuck out to me and I feel like it has a lot of potential. ...

    Jul 14, 2014
  • Poetry » Culture, Realistic Re: Humanity

    Hello, I like this. I think it has a lot of potential to be something more than just a "random thought" bouncing around in your head! :) I'm not going ...

    Jul 1, 2014
  • Poetry » Romantic, Realistic Re: drumsticks for kindling

    Hello Hightop! Indie here for a review. I feel like a little punctuation would do you good in the second stanza. The second line to the fifth just make me ...

    Jun 29, 2014
  • Poetry » General, Spiritual Re: The Rape of Eve

    Hello Cole! Here for your review, obviously. :) As for the title, I don’t really see how the comparison of the fall of Eve to rape is relevant. in the ...

    Mar 11, 2014
  • Poetry » General, General Re: i.a.e.y.o.u.

    VEERY WROTE A POEM WUHT Yay this excites me :D So I have to admit I am very curious about the meaning behind the deep, ambiguous title.. I don't feel ...

    Mar 11, 2014
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Toy Guns

    Hello, I really like the idea of it, but I think you could add a few things into the mix for a more complete thought. This poem captures a specific ...

    Mar 10, 2014
  • Poetry » Lyrical, Romantic Re: Icicle

    Hello, TheWeather! Welcome to poetry. :) So glad to have you! I like the basic metaphor of ice you’ve got going here. I think you could really take it and ...

    Feb 11, 2014
  • Poetry » General, Culture Re: Digital age, I'm a lover

    Hello! I apologize for just now reviewing this - this is well overdue. Since your title is pretty nifty and original, I think you could do without repeating it in ...

    Feb 8, 2014
  • Short Story » Dramatic, Other Re: Questions

    Shock effect is always a fun tool to use in writing, especially shorts like this. However, the unexpected was a bit too sudden. I'd suggest developing the character of the ...

    Jan 31, 2014
  • Poetry » General, General Re: December Skies

    Hello, ConverseFireGirl! Indie here to review. Something technical: are stroked red with smudged above watercolour swiped across stenciled on In your line breaks/enjambment, it's best to not end the l

    Dec 13, 2013
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: family ! my family !

    Hello, charmyvora! Here to review. First a few aesthetic issues: 1) I'd suggest deleting the hyperlinks. Tried clicking on all three and they just took me back to the top ...

    Dec 9, 2013
  • Short Story » General, Horror Re: Flickering

    Love the first few sentences; they truly do characterize Thomas. like a curious animal: warm, clean, smelling, and cautious. Animals are not always clean, so I’d omit that. But I ...

    Nov 25, 2013
  • Poetry » Satire, Teen Fiction Re: Bathtub, Chicken, Daddy

    Wow. I really, really, really liked this. The imagery was poignant, and it was certainly very original. Loved the use of language and dialect; the vernacular of the speaker - ...

    Oct 18, 2013
  • Poetry » General, General Re: Ants With Cameras

    Hi, fortis! Here to review this extremely intriguing poem of yours. :) So the vibe I’m getting here is that the sight of sudden snow reminds the speaker of childhood ...

    Sep 29, 2013
  • Novel / Chapter » Realistic, General Re: Eyes Wide Shut: Chapter 1

    Greetings, Deanie. 1. A few grammatical errors: That’s why, when I was eleven I promised myself I would never read a book. Should be: “That’s why, when I was eleven, ...

    Aug 25, 2013


Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
— Sir James Dewar, Scientist