family ! my family !

Hello charmyvora!

I liked this poem very much. Especially because I am away from my family and I really miss them.. a lot.. and your poem made me think about the importance of them. Thank you so much. And, although I really don't know anything about poetry, I think you should capitalize the first letter??

the one who knows when your smile is fake

I loved this part, because this is a thing I always say. A fake smile, who can see them and who can not. Great job! I really liked this (again with my current situation)


Thanks, and keep on writing, mephis

Hello, charmyvora! Here to review.

First a few aesthetic issues:

1) I'd suggest deleting the hyperlinks. Tried clicking on all three and they just took me back to the top of the page.

2) How about some punctuation? It is definitely a stylistic choice in poetry, so take the following with a grain of salt. You don't use any punctuation marks at all until we reach the fourth line of the 4th stanza. The purpose for ellipses (…) is to indicate the omission of speech or writing. But nothing is being omitted here, as the poem is sort of summed up in the final line of the poem ("THEY ARE FAMILY !). And so I'd suggest using a period or colon instead. Also, another issue with punctuation: delete the space between "FAMILY" and the following exclamation mark.

3) I noticed how you chose a lack of capitalization throughout the body of the poem until the final line, which contributes to the fluidness of the poem. This scheme is an interesting one, but I think you should save it to symbolism two ideas that really clash or oppose, as no capital letters and all capital letters do.

Word choice:

1) You repeat "one" a heck of a lot. Repetition can be an interesting and captivating scheme in poetry, but here the word you are repeating isn't even consistent in number with the subject you are describing. The use of “family” here is plural, and yet “one” is singular. Fix that, por favor!

2) Your rhyme scheme works, but borders the line of cliché.

Content:

Here is the thing: family isn’t perfect. Relatives are humans too and so I’d venture to say that this poem is unrealistic. Family members does not always make “happiness” or fix “all the broken parts.” Family can be awesome and supportive and the most incredible thing in the world, but it isn’t for everyone. If you want to write about solely yourself and not general world-wide view on family (which is kind of portrayed in the vagueness of your word choice), make it specific. Tell us what your family has guided you through, how they entertain you, the “million miles” across what through which they have crossed with you. Be specific. Intrigue us.

- Indie

I really like this one. Really highlights the fact that even though there might be a hell of a lot going on in life family are still the ones who will be there by your side though it all. Reading through this really made me realise that even though I might had lots of things going on I still have family to turn to for help.

I think it is great that you have written a poem like this