Young Writers Society

Hey!

I am here to leave a review!

This was a really funny poem. I kept imagining coming home one day and finding my father hunched over the bath tub splashing around with a chicken. And I could not stop grinning at my own imagination. This was a really simple and straightforward poem and I like how it describes a short incident. I also liked how you incorporated dialogue in the poem, and how it actually worked quite well in the grand scheme.

The fact that the narrator's father was trying to dress the cat in feathers so as not to upset his wife is humorous enough, that I do not actually need to imagine the scene. I wonder what will happen if the cat suddenly meows instead of clucking like a chicken usually does!

This was a really fun poem and I enjoyed reading this.

Keep up the good work and have a great day!

I really liked this. It has almost an ominous feel to it with some of the imagery, but imagining your daddy splashing around with a bunch of feathers contrasts that with humor. all in all, it has a great feel to it.

"son, dont tell your mother" is something im sure all boys have heard from their father, and it always leads to something humorous, whether you laugh in the moment or in hindsight.

the poem makes me want to hear more, like what happened whenever the mom inevitably discovered that her chicken was for supper.

I loved it and congrats on the spotlight! keep it up!

This is truly amazing! I never realized poems could be so silly!

Love, love, loved it!

Honestly, this is great!

I loved your pace and rhyme.
It is very satirical and funny. While I didn't exactly understand it fully, it was still very entertaining and amusing.
And don't worry about it being confusing or anything, it is your poem and you don't need to explain it so others make sense of it.

It is strange but embrace it and don't worry about it.

I liked the naivety of both the father and son. You feel as if the dad is really the child, thinking that he can disguise the cat as the prize chicken. It reminded me of the really sort of silly, stupid dad moments. But, it also was sad too, I thought that maybe the dad was ill or something like that. But that could just be me.

Good job and keep writing.
Also welcome to YWS.

Nargles xx

Hi Ryan
About the poem-
Wow. One doesn't get to read poems like this everyday.
This is truly an unique piece.
But what I don't get is why the dad cooked the mom's prize chicken.
There aren't anything to give critiques for.
I love how this poem rhymes perfectly!
Keep up the good job!
Keep on writing,
~Gigi

I love your rhythm! Good job

Wow. I really, really, really liked this.

The imagery was poignant, and it was certainly very original. Loved the use of language and dialect; the vernacular of the speaker - I’m guessing a young boy - and the father, as well, was impeccable. Really contributed to the originality of the poem.

The main thing I’d suggest is to divide it into at least two stanzas. Maybe end the first with the line

Daddy turned to me and smiled.

”Son,” he said, “don’t ever tell your mother

I agree with the others when they say that get a humorous feel to it but the poem is rather confusing. I think this would have been better as a short story to possibly give background on why he cooked the chicken and the idea of getting the cat and dressing it up, bathing outside with it and whatnot. Actually reading him bathing with a cat outside in a jockey outfit sounds like the interesting actions of someone who has completely lost their mind. Perhaps that is why the father is doing it? Because he realized he made a huge mistake and is soon going to suffer the consequences? Nonetheless it was funny to read but i dont think it should have been written as a poem. Try writing it as an interesting short story. Keep writing

Well, to begin with, this poem is pretty confusing.
I totally get the funny element in here.
Cooking a yummy dinner with his wife's medal winning chicken and trying to hide his mistake by dressing up a cat in feathers is well understood but why in a bathtub? I really didn't get the meaning of those lines.

I really would like to appreciate your effort though. There is always a next time and I'm sure you will come up with something great
good luck.

RyanLion -

I was very confused as I was reading this! I'm sure you are a great writer but this probably is not one of your better pieces. The end is funny, but the only thing I got out of this was that a Father was bathing with a cat? There are a few things about it that don't make sense; first off, cats hate water, second of all, I have no idea. I hate to be harsh because I know how it feels for people to say harsh things about your creations! This is constructive criticism and I look forward to other writings you have made. (and maybe some improvement?) haha good luck!

-Alexiss! (((((:

Hello~
I found your poem amusing, but it rather confused me like it did the previous reviewer.
Things I liked:
-I like the way you told the story. Your words made sense grammatically.
-You used nice descriptive words in telling the story
-You had good, specific details, including sensory details

Things that could be improved:
-This didn't make much sense. Why is he in the bath? Why is the bath in the front yard? Why is the cat in the bath with him? If you answer these questions in your poem, it will be so much better!
-I feel like you were trying to be funny, but it wasn't that funny. I wasn't sure what was supposed to be humorous in it.
-This is minor compared to the other things, but I think this poem would be good with some rhymes if you're going to keep it as nonsensical as it is now. Just something to think about. I must have got this idea from your third-to-last line and your last line. Those rhyme, fwi.

This was a really interesting poem, I'm not sure if I loved it or hated it. I have mixed feelings. Keep writing though. I love your style!
~Fortis

WTF. This is kind of strange... Nope, just strange.

I'm not sure what this poem should mean, not a clue. I had my thoughts from the blur, but now I'm just confused. It's funny, I guess. Silly father, but why was the bath outside where everyone could see? Wouldn't the mom notice? And what's a prize chicken?

Sorry this review is only full of questions. I'll get back to you if I find out the meaning. And Welcome to our society, hope you like it.