flytodreams

Hi, This piece was just...beautiful. I loved the original descriptions, and the way it flowed so smoothly. Is this a prologue, or just a stand-alone piece? Excellent! :D

Hi, Sorry, no critique. I was confused about Tanslie as well, maybe you could make her gender a bit more clear to the reader in the story? It was very ...

This is the introduction to Faith, a novella I wrote in sixth grade. I'm in the sixth grade. :| In my unneeded opinion, you pulled "telling" off quite nicely! Moon ...

Hi, This was a very good chapter. I couldn't find anything wrong, and it really intrigued me. Your style was so clear, and the names...I like your names. And Elayna's ...

Hi, I agree with what everyone else said. You need to "show" rather than "tell". Telling somehow makes the story go really fast. Slow done the pace with some description, ...

Wow, so good! Everyone above pointed out exactly why it was, so I won't repeat. My favorite part was this: We turned a corner and the sea appeared in front ...

But their creations weren’t Full-stop after 'weren't'. I'd suggest breaking this up into paragraphs, it makes it easier to read. I also think the villain's reaction was a bit overdone. ...

I agree with kitty15, it was info-dumping, and much too short. But I like the sound of the creatures, especially the ice mermaids. I'd like to see more of them. ...

So I tried to visit your side once or twice, but you’d changed. I found out you weren’t just on the other side, but in a completely different world- one ...

The homuculus smiled as it drew in power. Now the mortals would see! It grinned, its little heart racing. That bumling professor had no idea what he created. Now he ...

Glad to see someone finally took my advice! Sometimes I feel like I'm explaining things to a brick wall. Excuse me?! Hey, this prologue was much better than the first. ...

Yeah, it seemed a little empty, because there was barely any description.But I liked the beginning sentences. :D Minos reminds me of Peeves from HP, but maybe that's because I'm ...

Hi, I'm flytodreams. This prologue was much too short, and it didn't really catch my interest. Plus, it was more like a first chapter. Nothing out-of-the ordinary happened, you know? ...

I don't think you should write more. It's NOT that this wasn't good, but I just think it's pretty fine by itself. :) But everyone else knows more than me, ...

Hi, I didn't notice anything wrong with this story, I found it totally interesting. What's up with Lucy's dreams? Why are they filled with snow? It really held my interest. ...