fireheartedkaratepup

I like it! ....but I don't understand what you're doing with the shovel. I understand what you're doing with the splinters, and I understand that splinters come from the shovel, ...

This reads as though English were your second language. Is it? It could be an interesting story, if you get the characterizations right, but runaway girl who's fed up with ...

First of all, spacing. Make use of it, please. What I mean is this: "When you start a line of dialogue--go to the next line." When you change subjects, go ...

....mmhmm. I can see what you're doing with style here, and I can appreciate it. I often find myself speaking in a manner that is far removed from my usual ...

I love this story! It's clear that you have a good picture of what it should be like in your head. The characterization is great--we can really get a sense ...

THIS IS SO PAINFUL I DON'T WANT TO REVIEW IT. I tried to break it down, but that didn't make things any easier. xD Here we go! I like how ...

"Fair maiden" threw me off. A lot. THIS IS DERPY WE'RE TALKIN' 'BOUT. The last lines stuttered for me--there's not a ton of rhythm in this poem. You have this: ...

Okay! We've gotten the prerequisite "I don't like your stylistic choices because I still think everything should be capitalized no matter what" review, and you have two fluffy ones to ...

....ok. So you're setting up the story, which is good. It's a bit odd, to me, to give the dad the name "Hell Raiser" right off the bat. That sort ...

Your writing's gotten so much better. Can you please do me a favor and delve into poetry? XP There was some quotation mark confusion up around where Aiden's looking for ...

It's a crying shame that this doesn't have any reviews, but I think part of the reason is that this is rather breathtaking, Persy. You let the reader feel what ...

Ok, I see what you're doing here. I like the style, and this is experimentation, no? You've tried doing something in storybook rhyme. My eyes aren't used to the format. ...

Mmmmm. I so understand this. I do agree with GeeLyria that you could expound on the subject. Maybe you could add interactions with family members and/or friends who just can't ...

So! What are you doing, here? I see an idea, a theme--you're telling someone that you're not who they think you are. Why? How have you (or rather, the speaker, ...

Hmmm. This does capture my interest, which is good, because I keep seeing the whole "I woke up in a psych ward and I don't know how I got here" ...