Trouble Maker

by YuePantera

Published April 28, 2012

Trouble Maker, Trouble Maker, what is it now?
Taken by the hook, and drifting to the clouds.
The little rainbow smile and those deep set eyes,
They're on their way now, ready for your surprise.
Trouble Maker, Trouble Maker, where is the peace?
Taken from your home, and hidden in your sleeves.
The secrets set in stone, you are never really gone.
They're always with you, Peace Maker. You always shone.
Comments & reviews · 1
fireheartedkaratepup wrote a review Review · Jun 24, 2012

Ok, I see what you're doing here. I like the style, and this is experimentation, no? You've tried doing something in storybook rhyme.

My eyes aren't used to the format. It feels like it should spaced out, or that there should be more to this--that should be one stanza in a poem; the kind that has a long-short-long pattern, with this being one of the longer ones. The poem does stand by itself--it just feels like there should be more.

The ending feels a bit rushed, to me. There's no set-up for the "Peace Maker" label--it just jumps in at the last minute. Now, again--and this is the tricky thing about writing, it's so subjective--this does work by itself. It just feels surprising, is all. Why is the Trouble Maker suddenly the Peace Maker? You could set it up a bit more so that the reader understands why the change is made.

Or not. It's your poem, obviously, so it's up to you to decide--do you keep the readers guessing, make them use their brains? Or do you lay things out for them, so they can connect the dots? Most people favor the latter, but if you're good enough; people will forgive the former.

It's one of the fun things about being a writer, I guess.



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