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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
LOVE IT! <3
Well, I think this a lovely poem, and I speak as someone worrying similar to Derpy, at least in terms of her usual portrayal. One phrase in particular caught my attention : the reference to her "all seeing eyes". I may be misinterpreting it horribly, but making her derpyness cause her to become figuratively omniscient seems to form an oxymoronic bond with her carelessness, and certainly hints at much more to Derpy than we will ever be party to.
I also like the contradictory description of Derpy as a cute omen, which, if you think about it, really suits her contradictory character.
This is just the sort of adorable poem I'd like to see more of, and the idea that you wrote it for a real person adds a beautiful 'enigma' quality.
Awww, now I wanna watch My little pony just to see Derpy! xD. I love that name, too..
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Anyways, I think this is a cute poem. I like how you said "Behold our fair maiden Derpy," at the beginning at each line.
But I think it would of been cool if you had changed it up each line, too.
"Behold our _____, Derpy," Instead of saying "Fair Maiden.." Each time
Behold our fair maiden Derpy,
Who one might call an omen;
Caution around our friend Derpy, ---Confused as to what that means
Good willed, but no coordination.
It didn't flow as much, but it is hard to ryhme/make things flow when you use words like that.
But overall, it's pretty good, and I think it's very cute
If you aren't a part of the fandom, you wouldn't notice her. As for your confusion, Derpy is a pegasus that is, well, derpy - she can't fly straight and is a few apples short of a bushel.
Thank you for your opinion
I loved it!!! Occasionly on Saturday's I'll watch My Little Pony. xD But I think it was good, although she is DeRpY so should she be called "fair maiden"? Either I loved it and it brightened up my day!
Well, it was actually written to describe a specific human to some extent, which is where "fair maiden" comes in - subtle flirting. It's nice to know that I helped to make your day a little better
Are you aware of the comical phrases "Herp" and "Derp"? I found this a rather amusing poem to read, more than amusing in fact. But that aside its quite a nice poem to read. I think thoughts its for a specific group of people to read, rather than universal. Aimed at the fans of My Little Pony.
Its quite twee and very bouncy, but that goes with the theme of the programme its based on. Grammar and phrasing are all good too
-Skyy
Thank you sky; and yes, you're right, it was meant mainly for my friends. Glad you enjoyed it c:
"Fair maiden" threw me off. A lot. THIS IS DERPY WE'RE TALKIN' 'BOUT.
The last lines stuttered for me--there's not a ton of rhythm in this poem. You have this:
Short
Shorter
Short again
OHHAI LONG WORDS
Which can work, but it has to flow. This just doesn't do it for me.
....basically, the whole poem is dissonant, I think. XD
Derpy as a pony doesn't fit with flowy words. Again, DERPY. Not that Derpy's not pretty, but DERPY. XD I'm so articulate.
Other than that, I'm happy to see it here! I'm not saying your poem is bad. It's good. There's just things I don't like about it. If that makes sense. :p
I love how the whole time you're emphasizing that I'm not depicting Derpy correctly, but you fail to see that it doesn't flow because, well, it's a poem about Derpy
This is very funny. I never thought I would see a poem about My little Pony. "Good willed", sounds odd to me. If I were you, I would replace that phrase with something like kindhearted. Fiction.
Thanks for your input, fiction c: