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I liked the effect of the rhymes, although some of them (e.g. dance/distance) are more half-rhymes and sound a little strained. When rhyming, be careful that none of the rhymes ...

Just noticed and thought I'd point out, since no one else has: you mean 'pore' over exams, not 'pour' as in liquid. Otherwise, great poem! Although the last line did ...

Since AkiKerosin has already gone through the poem, I thought I'd just give you my opinion on a few more points. Most of the grammar points are non-negotiable, but a ...

I liked this - I'm interested in the relationship between Aaron and Lilly and I want to know more. Something I would say is be careful in your use of ...

I think this is a very interesting idea, and it works well, mostly. You're obviously a good poet - I like the subject you've chosen, because it's a nice one ...

I really like the message you're putting across here. The last line particularly is very poignant - brilliant, I love the way you link back to the title. You might ...

I love the fact that you've decided to set this in the past, and what is particularly admirable is that you have a definite period and part of society to ...

I don't know that a vampire is the most original topic to write a poem on at the moment (and that's a shame, because vampires are cool - curse Stephenie ...

My main problem here would be the rhyme scheme. I know that rhyming couplets can be hard to work, but sometimes it feels like you're sacrificing the meaning of a ...

I think the dialogue is fine - you seem to have an ear for it, and the short sentences work well. You say you were inspired by a campfire you ...

When I read this, I feel like I'm drowning. Don't take that in a bad way - no, all right, take it in a constructive-criticism way. You've got the basics ...

This made me sad! It's very poignant, and most of the rhymes are strong, but there are a couple which seem a little forced. I can't really comment on the ...

Approving of the change of direction. The fantasy stuff is all good, but it's interesting to see you doing something else and how well it's turned out (just saw you ...

You're right, this has turned out well, and there are a lot of good things to say about it, but if I spend time on them it's not really going ...

This is really, really good: well-written, with very no obvious grammatical mistakes and no spelling errors that I can see. A couple of nitpicks: it feels like there are too ...