ennui

1) Too much description? Too little? Actually, I admire your use of description and its overall fluidity. I especially appreciated the head examination and the subsequent throbbing. Very well done. ...

Okay, I read through the first half of this- up until they meet the woman in the tan dress and round spectacles. The mean one, you know. I think the ...

The first line is a run-on. You either need to create two separate sentences, or properly combine them. A lone comma isn't going to work. The same problem occurs the ...

It's not asking for much to type regularly. Stop whining. --- As she walked past the foster children…no the playground children, Salina hated the term foster-anything. [s]So,[/s] The playground chil

“At two in the morning?” She took another sip of her coffee. It was already mentioned that she was upset, so I'd include something here to help to emphasize that. ...

Tonight, I let go of you, take up your shoes, unlace them, make a Cat's Cradle-- the last such delicate world [s]to be[/s] controlled by my fingers. "Make" seems pretty ...

A sudden uneasiness began to coarse throughout her body. The urge to make the first move surged its way up her arms. What is the woman doing that seems so ...

In response to the critique above, one can most definately stalk from a room or chamber. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the mention of archaic style. This ...

I'm just going to dissect the first section. One of the first things I noticed was your use of repetition. Mountains, mountains, mountains. Forest, forest, forest. It's boring, uninteresting, and ...

Memories spun through my head. I didn’t understand him. I watched a black SUV pull into the driveway; At first I saw Rocco but I had to shake it off ...

You've really created some unique lines that I pretty much adore. We hurt for the sting of honest salt. our scraped selves are wrapped in the poultice of the woods ...

The double spacing and arbitrary line breaks doesn't really do it for me. It's choppy and hard to follow. What's the focus of the poem? Who is "he" and how ...

[spoiler] I'm pretty sure Victoire is Bill & Fleur's daughter- it would explain why she's their cousin, and her French name indicates who her parents are as well. However, another ...

Basically I have a few anxiety disorders: General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) I suffer from anxiety as well. I'm positive I have GAD, though I haven't been formerly diagonsed. I'm very ...

Sabradan was suddenly a Christ for the Muslims. An atoning sacrifice. What did that make him? The man who had nailed this political Jesus to a cross? Inwardly, Ali shrugged. ...