emotion_less

Firstly, welcome to YWS! I'm not much of a poet either, but I'll give you my thoughts, like it or not :). The rhythm for the poem is really choppy ...

I liked the prologue's intensity and the first chapter's start is pretty good. The first chapter was a little awkward, though. It's not that there's too much information as much ...

The link doesn't work for me :(. Well, anyway, I liked the way you wrote this. When I read it, I thought it had a lot of description and depth ...

It wasn't bad, but it was much too rushed. If you slowed it down a bit, it would be a lot more effective. Describe the surroundings a bit. Describe each ...

I don't really get the story... What's it about? Okay, I went back to read it again. You really should fix the grammar/spelling/spacing. It's extremely difficult to read and so ...

I could tell you many more intricacies of his life, but the fact is that I never knew him the way I should have. I was not mature enough before ...

Bitch. That's all that fucking teacher is, a bitch I thought to myself. Hmm... Words don't boost up age... I suggest taking out the 'words'. They're very unnecessary. It was ...

It was pretty well-written, but I agree with Aviator about a little more of the reason for the aliens' attack. Is there more to it or is this it? If ...

This story felt much more like the conclusion of a story rather than the story itself. I couldn't really relate to the characters because they are freshly introduced and their ...

The nose in the mirror is similar to yours. I had a problem with this line. The wording is just a little bit awkward. This poem was pretty good. At ...

fore earthly pleas and pleasures Just a typo. 'For,' I'm guessing. Chevy, you should really let us listen to some of your songs [if possible]! The lyrics are really interesting ...

Haha. That was pretty cool. You had a tendency to add a bit too much to your sentences, such as: I woke up with a start and was astonished to ...

I don't think I've ever read your stuff before... weird... I definitely would have remembered the style... Not to be a little kid or anything, but this is really good. ...

You definitely need to work on grammar and spelling. Putting sentences into structured paragraphs would help a lot, too. Hi my name is Feefee AKA Boo yes it is a ...

I liked the ending as well. Made you go 'aww.' Where a giant piece Of aluminum lies. I thought that you would talk about the aluminum again, but you didn't. ...