Published December 22, 2005
The eyes in the mirror stare back at her,
The nose in the mirror is similar
To yours.
She touches her face
You shiver,
You see her face slowly wither.
And then;
Nothing is in the mirror.
Bite marks down your neck
Lipstick smeared
Lines down your face,
Chalk white as...
That's what you are,
A pile on the floor
...Dust.
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140,548 Literary Works • 673,419 Reviews
Tehe... *is too giggly right now tyo say anything useful*... Your title used to be my blog name. The *s and everything...
Mirrors are wonderful things to write about. 100/100 on subject!!! Yay!!!
, but I completely understand why it was hard. You did well and it really is a beautiful poem. A little editing is all it needs... hence the "little". Good work.Just a couple of grammatical things:
instead of a comma at the end of the first line, it should be a semi-colon. There should be a period at the end of the third line. The comma in the fourth line should also be a semi-colon. The line six semi-colon should either be a comma or a "..."
I'm sorry. A friend of mine gave me "grammar in poetry" thing and I've since been trying to use it.
I agree with emotion less on the line
Jennafina -
chalk white as...... dust.....
....see
emotion less....I kind of know what you mean...it was a difficult line to word...hmmm...thankies.
The nose in the mirror is similar to yours.
I had a problem with this line. The wording is just a little bit awkward.
This poem was pretty good. At first, I expected a cliche poem about the mirror person being 'you,' etc. But the ending... the ending was really great. I loved the last four lines especially. Very powerful [and original, at that]. Nice poem.
I like that. It makes me feel like the person is numb, watching their life fly by.
Maybe you should call it 'Time'?
This line:
Chalk white as...
Confused me. Chalk white as what? It trails off a bit, and you lose energy.