elephantwalrus

Eee! So many mysteries still! I can't wait to find out what happens!!! So, here is my critique. Truthfully, I liked the imagery in Cafe 1 better; the verbs were ...

The story is sad...=( My only suggestion is that you add more to the beginning. Show us Ella when she's happy, then we can compare her to when her heart ...

This story pulled the reader in, like mouse in a trap. It was amazing, to say the least, but I think you could take this a few steps farther. If ...

This is a very nice stream of consciousness narration, but in order to be a story, there has to be a conflict. The reader is half-introduced to the conflict, but ...

You have good voice and diction. It was refreshing read. The only thing it needs is a concluding end. You did a nice job avoiding the passive voice, which made ...

Hmm...honestly, I didn't love this, but maybe that's just me. It was very unique, though. Cornelia was overly-ugly for the short amount of time that the story takes place.. That ...

This is really cool. Your imagery is good. The only thing I did not like about the poem is the paragraph form at the beginning; I know the point was ...

I like this; it has a high energy. The only con to the energy is that the poem is singsongy. The rhymes are nice, though. The only other thing I ...

This is a very succinct poem, which is hard to do, but even harder to do well. Some of the middle lines are confusing, to be honest, but I might ...

Oh my goodness, I loved this immensely. Your use of enjambment is fabulous; they are all properly placed. Wonderful. Your imagery and description is powerful, and really leaves me going ...

You have good description, but if you could use some imagery (metaphor, simile, etc), the poem would be loads better. Also try changing your sentence variety. Sometimes repetition is a ...

This is a really neat idea that I think you could take a whole lot farther. You describe your feelings in great detail, and that's good, but what this poem ...

This is a thoughtful poem! I like the theme, but I think you enjamb a bit to much. Try making some of the lines like "My mother uses / Her ...

Whoa, I realy enjoyed this! Your imagery was fantastic! My only criticism is the changing verb tense in the last stanza. I don't know if "knew" should be "knows;" has ...

I have to admit, when I first saw the word "reaper," I wanted to hit my head against a brick wall. But, a couple words later, I saw that you ...