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Young Writers Society



Of Thee I Sing

by Aedomir


Hiya! I don't know if I have read anything else of yours.

the wonder


capitalise the 't'.

Alright, after reading this, I will be honest and say I thought it was just a piece of (great) dramatic writing. I loved the wrting and the message but there was no rhythm and I could say that if you took out the spaces between lines it would be a paragraph. I love the writing, but I am uncertain about the 'poetry' aspect.

Still, lovely imagery and metaphors, well done on that!

Keep writing!

~D'Aedomir~

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181 Reviews

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Thu Mar 13, 2008 11:40 pm
elephantwalrus wrote a review...



Oh my goodness, I loved this immensely. Your use of enjambment is fabulous; they are all properly placed. Wonderful. Your imagery and description is powerful, and really leaves me going "wow. I'm going to read that again."

That you for posting this! Made my day. :D




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266 Reviews

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Thu Mar 13, 2008 1:04 am
backgroundbob wrote a review...



the wonder
capitalise the 't'.
You need to look more closely at it, m'dear: it's a new stanza, but not a new sentence, it carries on from the previous one.

Well Brad, you are exceptional as always (is that an oxymoron? I hope so, considering it's true). Of course, my love for this particular one might have something to do with the joy I feel in mixing the divine and the erotic in my own work, but whatever: I enjoyed this regardless.
It's common that I find it difficult to critique your pieces, sometimes because they're too good and sometimes because they're completely over my head: often I feel it's both, though it's hard to judge the former in those cases. In this case, my pure enjoyment in reading the piece may have gotten in the way of a proper critique - what can I say? I'm selfish that way.

Good work.




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Wed Mar 12, 2008 11:58 pm
PenguinAttack wrote a review...



*finally got round to the actual comment*

This makes me so sad, to read.

As always you do so well to bring out the right emotion in the right way so as to allow the reader to click in a feel all on their own. Beautiful words, arranged well, with some lovely imagery. You use allusions so well, as well. (If you couldn’t tell I’m envying hard right now. ^^)

Always, a fantastic use of words, structure and meaning that melds into an amazing image, and feeling.

Well done, Minx.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.




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268 Reviews

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Tue Mar 11, 2008 12:41 am
Adnamarine wrote a review...



Wow. This was really strong, beautiful imagery, really powerful. It was brilliantly bittersweet. The form, rythm, all the grammatical stuff like that was spot on, everything peachy.
This was amazing! Sorry I don't have anything in the way of changes to be suggested; I just don't think anything should be changed. Again, this was wonderful.


*adna*





Be happy, my friend; and if you obey me in this one request, remain satisfied that nothing on earth will have the power to interrupt my tranquility.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein