Published March 13, 2008
My mother uses
Her hands all day.
She holds my hand,
And I feel the age wrinkles
Under my fingers.
Does she like being my momma?
If she had more time to worry
About herself,
And not me,
Would she not have these wrinkles?
I poke at the blue veins that
Decorate under her skin.
She holds my hands tighter
And I know she doesn’t mind
Getting older,
Because that just means
I am, too.
Not much longer,
And she won’t have to worry about me.
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Canary word: Present
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why don't you try chopping your word into stanzas? All I cant see is a big chunk of words. It's all choppy when you read it and try using figures of speech to make it nicer and longer. It's also kinda rushed, you could try to tell the story in a not-rushed way.
But I like the theme and the message of your poem.
Keep it up!
Try and use your line breaks to help the flow, not hinder it. It's rather choppy to read, and while you use some imagery, try using other senses and more kinds of poetics devices, even if it's just similes and metaphors.
Good start, it's a good idea that I think you could develop more fully. ^.^
I think it was a little bit rushed, but that's just me. I like the theme and the use of words. ^_^
This is a thoughtful poem! I like the theme, but I think you enjamb a bit to much. Try making some of the lines like "My mother uses /
Her hands all day," one line, instead of two. I also felt that you used the word "hands" a bit too much. Try to add some more imagery and word variation. Other than that, nice work!