elephantwalrus

Yay! My first line by line! We can not fight more than we fought today, It can not hurt more than it has hurt today, [I don't particularly like these ...

This provokes a lot of emotion in the reader. I wouldn't have the title be "rumors," because then you're giving the object of the story away. I would suggest to ...

I think this is a sometimes over-used topic, so I would suggest maybe elaborating a bit. Make it different in some way, whether it be rhyme, impressive diction, metaphors, just ...

This was simple and thought provoking. There's a world of possibilities to the reader, and that's cool. I didn't like "blew it all away" either. I'm not sure, but I ...

Whoa! Your diction is amazing! I had some trouble putting a beat to the poem, but then I realized that the speaker's just talking. The description is powerful and melancholy...I ...

Welcome to the site! Your rhyme and meter in this poem are impressive, and I liked the poem when I read it. If you would like some constructive criticism, read ...

I liked the description of the dance. I think it would help if you elaborated on the last line, because it seems that you have a lot you could say ...

I have to agree with the chocoholic. This wasn't something I enjoyed reading. It sounded like you were trying to make the play realistic, and it really wasn't. Some of ...

I think this work has a lot of potential. But, it seems like the first half and second half aren't really related. I know that you're not finished with it ...

I really like this! Your rhyming is really impressive! My only criticism is that the second verse isn't very different from the first. Maybe after the first chorus, you could ...

Yay! This was really good for a first poem! The ending was a bit abrupt, considering the length of the poem. If it was three stanzas, it wouldn't be a ...

I agree with the pirate :) The last stanza is a bit off. What I love about this poem is how incredibly detailed it is! You make eating an apple ...

Sorry that you're stressed :( That always stinks. I don't rightly know if there are parameters for the application of work, but I think your piece very good. Your introduction ...

random things are good things. In my vocabulary, I call random thoughts "tharts," but that is a story for another day. And that day approacheth quickly. :)

I didn't like the last line either. Other than that, my only other comment is concerning the lines Your lies are nothing to me. Your heart is nothing to me. ...