The Unexpected Criminal

haha This is very cute. ^_^

I love how you switch at the end and make Mr. Po a dog. It's very suprising and I all in all really liked this. Great job on your first poem!! Hope to see more.



Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay

I appreciate everybody's constructive criticism. Thank you! But just FYI, it has an adrupt ending because it was late at night when I wrote this and I REALLY had to get to bed. I'm just too darn lazy to edit it. Sorry.

Okay so I'm gonna do a step by step review while I'm reading as then it tends to be a lot easier for you and me. =]

I like the first stanza as the punctuation is good - this is never a strong point of mine - and the language you've used is a variety of different words to describe the same thing; which sounds like it wouldn't work but it does.

In the second stanza I think you've used a cliche here - if you can call it that - when you say 'Wipe that grin off your face!' as this is used quite a lot not only in poems but also in every day life really. I'd suggest something to replace this, like instead of 'wipe' maybe.. smear? But then this doesn't really fit in.. I'm not sure.

I didn't like the third stanza, it really just doesn't work with the rest of the poem. The flow and structure didn't work and it tended to spoil the poem just a litle, seen as though it is right in the middle. I think maybe you either need to cut it down to three lines, or add a little more to the first line.

The fourth/fith/sixth stanzas were fine with a good flow and rythmn. But in the sixth, I think the cliche of puppy dog eyes is used too much, try some originality - even though I know it's about a dog, although this is good because we dont find that out till the end.

The other stanzas seem fine to me and I like how you've used a range and variety of punctuation.

XD I loved it. And that's all I have to say about that...

--Quippie

That was awesome. I liked the abrupt ending; it felt appropriate. I am a huge fan of anybody who can rhyme and give the poem a good beat. It may seem odd, but it's a talent that is hard to acquire.

Yay! This was really good for a first poem!

The ending was a bit abrupt, considering the length of the poem. If it was three stanzas, it wouldn't be a big deal, but considering the length of the poem, some more explaination at the ending would be nice.

Your rhymes are very impressive. Thanks for posting this!

Your first Poem — Congratulations! A promising attempt.

Before I begin with the poem itself, I'd like to tell you that you musn't write such a subtitle/topic description to your work. I mean let the crits decide whether your poem sucks (it definitely does NOT). Your subtitle gives a wrong impression and also the impression that you aren't confident about your own work. So, next time, think of something more positive.

When I first read the poem I thought Mr.Po to be a man , a criminal of some kind but in the end it ends up to be a pet dog!!!

That was amusing but I have to say the poem began in total confusion and the truth came out at the end very abruptly.

Maybe you could have hinted on it more from halfway of the poem maybe by mentioning a tail, fangs, collar?

I am impressed by the rhyming and the beat of the poem.Well done!

And how does Cindy caome in? It's a mystery.

One more thing, I did not get the significance of the title completely.

Otherwise th epoem was very original and ultra-amusing.

Enjoyed this stanza thoroughly:

Why?
Why, Mr. Po?
Just look at the evidence,
Your tracks in the snow.